Sowing the Seeds of Love
As a Husband, I am told I just don’t show enough attention or emotion, except when I get angry. This comes from my wife of 21+ years. To her I offered freely my love and the commitment to continue to love her, even when times are less than nurturing. It is to her and before my God, whom I had and have placed and understood the vows I professed in marriage. You know what I am saying, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health…
It really hurts when I have tried to turn my life around from the absolute train wreck it was and see how it was affecting my family, only to have her, my wife, to find other issues of deficiency with me. I have no desire to be confrontational towards my wife, but considering that each of us is considered only slightly better than the dust we came from, I have to remind her of how each of us lacks certain qualities. Now before I sound as if I have come undone completely, let me assure you I am a new creation and because I have him inside of me that is greater than he who is in the world, I still love her and desire her.
Do you know the parable of the Sower from Matthew 13? Could it be I am not sowing this seed in my life, the seeds of love? Maybe I am sowing, but I am sowing like this; tossed to the birds, thrown onto the rocks, spilled in the weeds…
Could it be I have not planted my seeds of love in a place where they will grow? I don’t mean I am throwing away affection by sharing love with my wife, I believe maybe I am not searching for the most fertile spot upon which to sow my love for her. Yet I do love her and therefore I will try again and again and as many times as it takes. Do you hear me JLM, as many times as it takes?!
I recall friends from my past, one in particular; it was this friend who said I am like a farmer. Did he see something in me, something I have yet to put my own finger on? Well farmer or sower or what other occupation makes no difference if it is not done out of love and this I know is 100% the truth and my Savior will agree I’m sure.
I saw a movie once, actually a few times with John Travolta and Kyra Sedgwick, it was called “Phenomenon” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117333/ and it was a fantastic movie. In a nutshell, John develops brain cancer and as his brain reacts to the cancer, he is able to somehow process what he read and develop new techniques and technologies to the betterment of society. During this process of advancing disease and advancing intellect, he develops a romance with Kyra. Kyra is a single mother and sells homemade wicker/willow chairs to earn a living and John is an auto mechanic. Now one moment in this movie, a bar scene, has John speaking to a rather rude friend who believes John somehow is a threat to all in town. John tells him not to worry and somehow they speak of relationships and John points to the man’s relationship with his wife. This relationship is somewhat rocky, like a bad soil and John tries to help him come to terms, but it takes the bartender to point out to the man that what he is lacking in his relationship is knowing where to sow, as seems my own folly, he points to John’s relationship with Kyra saying “how John found where to plant/show his love. John buys Kyra’s chairs, not just one but, several and then the bartender explains what’s wrong with the man’s relationship, misplaced seeds of love.
In writing this I am actually receiving instruction from him who is in me and eventually I have faith I will understand where I should sow for the greatest harvest in my own relationship.
To make matters more challenging, I have a teenage daughter and she, as was the case with I, is in a near constant state of rebellion. This has been a cloud around both my wife and I, but I hope from this cloud a little rain will fall upon this sprout and it will blossom and fully bloom of fruitful love and understanding of why we nurtured one thing, but weeded out others.
This is how all relationships should grow; most importantly to me is the one with my wife, she will remain with me when our daughter goes forth to scatter her own seed.
As I speak these words, as I delve into my own life speaking of sowing. I know somehow Jesus must have felt like this x infinity for all who he calls and who hears. It hurts, it absolutely hurts, this love of trusting each other to lead, when we sometimes don’t want to follow. If you have eyes with which to see and ears with which to hear, please use them along with your heart and out of love, for what you sow is exactly all you shall reap.
