Before reading this, please understand that this is not a tell-all for everyone. This is merely my own journey and realizations for my own path and may hold no significance to the rest of the world. Another chapter in my own journey, if you will.
I've been taking a little time to examine what a Mystic really means to me. Realization often comes in layers. I often see it, feel it, yet understanding is a journey in of itself. Yesterday I was driving to work and again thinking about my life purpose. I understood that I came back to this planet for love, to find the other half of my soul. I also came back, so I thought for a specific reason, to help people. Yet I have no vision, so what does that really mean? Then I thought, was is a Mystic? I came up with the term " one who walks their own path". I always assumed it meant finding one's way to getting closer to their Divine. Not even "enlightment" which I also determined that all that means is a state of realization, and even that runs in layers. I like to call it the "aha moments" for though I hear it or even know it, I often don't understand the profound meaning of it.
I've been on this spiritual journey my entire life. I have gone through hills and valleys searching for understanding of it all. It's not to often that I often reflect upon it all, the greater picture. Most of the time I cannot see that far. I've accepted that fact that I will not ever see all or even know all. Vut for this stage in my life, at this moment it feels important for me to understand who they Mystic within me really is. Am I some spiritual guru who's been called to be the next modern day prophet? Highly doubtful:) In fact, though I have some pretty out there views on things, and definitely not the part of the popular belief system, it makes perfect sense. It's like the puzzle is finally coming together and I think I'm finally starting to get it.
I've been trained sense childhood that the spirit is a completely separate component of our human selves, in fact, though it is a part of us, it's almost like it's ow person. It's the thing that makes us connected to our "higher self" . Somewhere along the way everything seems disconnected, though somewhere inside I know they all work together. I've been wanting to re-connect with the fire I once had in my spirituality, yet I don't feel so spiritual. I feel spiritually lost, in a sense, even though I feel more "enlightened" then ever :) Again, the paradox. So I've been looking at spiritual things, forums, magick, prayers, healing meditation and understanding that life doesn't give me nearly enough time to take care of everything. So lately I have planing some of that to the side and I have been spending more time with my family. I have been more involved and dedicated to work in order to get a promotion I don't really want so we can afford to live and simply pay bills, and move closer to my mother in-law sense she now has cancer. At this time in my life, this is my purpose which leaves little time for spiritual endeavors and is quite depressing. It goes completely against the vision I saw.What kind of Mystic lives a life without mysticism? How can a Mystic be a Mystic is they have no time to connect spiritually? No time to meditate? No time to clear the mind long enough to accomplish anything?
So back to yesterday. As all this crap piles up in my head, I was thinking about my family. LIt was a good day and I even left early so we could spend time together. It turned into a nightmare and the entire night was shot. Today I saw the topic and as I was writing I realized that I have had phases in my life that focused on finding spirit, I've had phases that focused on finding my soulmate, I've had times where there was compassion, times of plenty and times of feminine. Times where I could clearly see magick and life walk hand in hand for some seriously miraculous things manifest. The veil between spirit and the world soon vegan to lift and I vegan to see the spirituality in all things. And then it dawned on me this morning, my journey is not to find God, for God is always with me, my journey is to understand this life, this world around me, on every level possible. I am already to connected to spirit, it was a birthright, but understanding it and still seeing it in this world. Understanding that spirit doesn't go away, it is always with me, it is who I am regardless of what happens around me. I've always looked for God in spirit, yet rarely seen him in this world. I'm beginning to understand that this world is the physical manifestation of him. It's not about religion or even beliefs, for these things change, vut when we see through the eyes of the soul, we see everything. I'm not meant to escape my humanity, I'm meant embrace it. We all are. I know understand why the phrase I often use, "To know God, you must know thyself".
I was always taught that embracing humanity, embracing my human self was wrong, sinful, something God didn't like. I'm beginning to understand that God created this humanity within us. To truly walk the path of a Mystic, one must truly decide to walk the path of self. I had to see God in all things before I could see God.
When I was a kid, I was afraid of God, yet I wanted to feel him, and I felt the pain and anguish of a lost soul, one no longer alive. I felt the comfort of an angel. I felt what it was like to be alive and I felt what it was like to be dead. When I got older, I wanted to know his love. I went through a few really bad relationships and still desired to find real love. Through the people who I would learn hate from, I was given the most sacred gift, a family.
I wanted to see God. I saw the spray of the ocean and felt it's power. I saw death and destruction and people coming together to help pick up the pieces. I saw a murdered child and still saw love and forgiveness in his eyes before he departed.
I see it now. I finally get it. God is everything and everywhere. The ability to see the Divine in all things, mental, emotional, physically, within myself and within everything around me. I don't have to connect and disconnect if I can see the Divine in all things. Sermons, crosses, pent's, churches, all of it, these are merely tools to help us on our journey. Tools made for those who need it, but not meant for all. Everything I have seen, everything I have learned, everything i have ever felt came from this world around me. This planet , this physical world is merely one realm of many yet it's all centered around it. I've been walking through the veils to get to different places, yet they are all right here, together, working as one.
There is so much life within death and so much death within life, but in order to live in the light we must first be able to see it, in both life and death. I always knew that not much changed as the body passes, but the journey of this life is the point.
So again I say, If you really want to know God, you must first know yourself. The closer you get to who you are, the closer you get to the Divine.