Looks like Friday is the day I go back on Oranum. On one hand I'm kind of excited, but on the other hand I also suffer from a serious case of stagefright. It's important that I go back for my family and for those I can help online. It's hard to separate help from business. It's hard not to look at it as a job when I charge people. Unlike many of the other psychic's there, I refuse to charge a ridiculous amount. I've set limits to this. I won't beg people to go into private chat. I help however I can within the parameters I am giving. There are so many people out there that need help, they can't afford $3.00 a minute. I wish I could afford to do it for free.
So much has changed though. We all struggle to find peace in the midst of this chaos, myself included. I struggle everyday. I struggle with fear. I struggle with financial stress. I struggle with the unknown and that which is known. I struggle alot with my faith.
We had an assignment a few days ago with the FIND ME group. (For the record, we do NOT charge) It was a case that involved a missing girl. She had been missing for over thirty years. No trace of her. One moment she was right there and the next, just gone. The missing children's cases are always the hardest, yet the most rewarding. Usually if I feel them in spirit, they rarely understand what has happened to them. They are usually filled with so much forgiveness or just in their own little beautiful worlds. And that is what makes this gift a gift, to be able to share that with them. But then I tap into the families who are left behind to wonder what happened to them. Most of them will never be able to move forward in life. They always are lost inside of their own grief, struggling each day to hold on to just one little spark of hope yet afraid for the answers to finally come, if they ever do.
These moments often put me back into perspective and remind me what I do have. It's not much but I have three beautiful, healthy children who are safe at home. Each night I get to kiss them good-night, each day I can tell them I love them. And though it's a struggle to take care of them, trying to balance all of their needs, I would rather have that struggle then to never have that struggle again.
Sometimes I think back to my younger years and what I put my parents through. l ran away from home....alot. Sometimes weeks at a time. My parents were angry, but they were also petrified. Having to come home and your child never coming home that night. Not knowing where they are at and wondering if you will ever see them again. As a parent now, I couldn't imagine being in that position. As an Empath, I know because I feel it everytime I do these readings.
God will take care of us, just as he will take care of the children who don't make it home. Sometimes I wonder if I believe this, but in the core of my being I know this. He will never give up on us and I can't give up either. They depend on me to be strong, emotional, spiritually and physically strong. For my family, they need me. As a collective, they need all of us to never give up hope on finding them and bringing them home.
I just have to remember this. I'm a pretty slow learner. I just have to take it one day at a time. One step at a time. Some steps will be a sprint across an open field other steps will be like treading through quick sand. But no matter easy or how difficult each step is, the point is that we took just one more step and we are one step closer to wherever life takes us.