I see you, I feel you, I know you. You call to me and I can't deny the pull. But I have walked through the mist my entire, unable to fully embrace the unknown. So many things cloud my mind, clutter my soul. The closer to I get to understanding, the further away I am. I learn, I grow yet the further I walk the less I know. You know why I have come, as do I, yet we don't. This paradox world I have been thrust into make complete sense, yet no sense at all. I am split between this world and many other worlds. It feels like I live in several alternate universes all at once. I feel and I know, but I know on this deeper level that it hasn't quite hit my consciousness yet, which leaves me knowing nothing. On one hand I have grown used to to the world of paradox, yet it's very difficult to blend the worlds together enough to actually make any sense out of it.
It's the veils, they call to me and I am drawn to go into it. Sometimes it's the veil of the place I call home, another time it's the veil of the spirit realm, and another time it's the veil of this world. My soul knows, but I do not. I feel like I am spinning my wheels because I am split in so many different directions that I can't ground my thoughts or energy on any one thing. Isn't that the whole idea of manifesting? There has to be something in this that I am not understanding. This understanding holds the key, I know it, I can feel it.
I walk the path of mystery, the path of the unknown and perhaps that's the key I am searching for. To follow without knowing the reason. To follow without having an answer for it. In fact, looking hindsight it's the path I always followed, one of instinct, intution, following what I feel, whatI know without questioning the higher reason for it. I acted on what I knew needed to be done and did not question why. I didn't need a reason. This blind path I walked has been a very interesting experieince. But what changed? I think I know that to. Accomplishment. Walking a blind path doesn't allow you to fully concentrate that energy into one area, it's not something that is tangible, it's mystical, and I was much happier when I couldn't really see the path before me. I guess I just figured that by now I would have a concrete direction, one special thing I would have been called to do and accomplish. It's hard to explain because I feel like I came here for a specific reason, but perhaps that specific reason isn't so specific after all,lol. My life seems to change every 10 years. Each 10 years I enter some new chapter, the last chapter was quite difficult. Now that I have the time, I no longer have the desire. I think I need to clear my head and really meditate not on the things I wanted to do then, but where I am now. My brain kind of took over control and it's time to embrace the heart again.
S, where am I at? Well, I'm not really sure. I have found over the past year I have a real knack for crafting, though it fuflill one aspect, it's not fulfilling the spiritual side of things. It's more like a hobby. I do feel a pull to open circle more and to do more readings again. Aside from that, I don't know. Then again,I never really knew, I just responded to situations as they arose and wait for the heart guide me again. Quiet the mind and listen to the heart. And I think that is tonights lesson.