Tomarrow starts the beginning of the New Moon. I've taken the last couple of days to think about my life and where I want it to go. I have come to the conclusion that I have absolutly no clue.
My path is so ecletic and so individulaized that I don't fit into any one area. I wanted to become Ordained because I wanted the "legal right " to do spiritual counciling, but soon after I became ordained, something changed. I felt that I was now bound and obligated to a higher standard. Though I welcomed the calling, there were still alot of things inside my soul that needed to be washed away before I could continue anything. I didn't feel worthy of this calling and God and I still had some past issues to resolve.
I was raised in the Christian church with all of the biblical teachings and everything that comes with it, however, I wasn't like everyone else. I was different. Spirits came to me, showed me visions and I knew first hand what it felt like to be afraid of God and to fear his punishments. You would think that this would steer me clear from my path and have me running towards God, but it didn't, in fact, it had the opposite effect.
I was 5 years old and I could feel things, people that I couldn't see. I was at my mother's church and the sanctuary was practically empty. There was something around me and it felt dark and forbidding. I felt fear. I saw a cemetary outside and people gathered around a grave. A man stoold alone by a tree and looked at me. I looked towards heaven and that's when I felt the void, the fear . The preacher preached his sermon on fire and brimstone and if we didn't believe in his son Jesus Christ, we would burn in hell. This scared me, but what was strange is that I became afraid to believe and follow Christ because if I did God would take me to heaven. I just felt heaven and heaven wasn't a place I wanted to go. These occurances continued and as I got older more spirits began to talk to me. The church didn't agree with this and I grew up feeling like God cursed me. I never knew what I did that was so bad to make him curse me.
I finally realized that I wasn't cursed, but blessed with abilites. Abilites that much of the world looks at as an abomination, gifts that our prophets and leaders in the bible all possessed themselves. I started helping other's and communicating with Angels. This was extremely rewarding until one day something changed. When your an Empath, you feel everything. I felt the love of God flowing through me to these other people, and it was such a wonderful feeling, but I knew it wasn't for me, it was for them. I became jealous which brought up all the old feelings of being cursed and rejected by God. He tried to show me differently but the bitterness remained.(this is a book in itself,lol)
The last couple of days I figured out where the block was between God and I. Looking hindsight and with the help of my husband, I was shown the Angels protecting me from all of the darkness. Just because I experienced it, dousn't mean I was cursed, nor did it mean he left me to the wolves. In fact, every spiritual attack I was under, his angels were standing guard protecting me. Looking hindsight, I can see all of the times he has intervened and had provided for us on all levels.
This was confirmed to me today when my sister sent me an e-mail. It was a story about an Indian boy who was ready to pass the test and become a man. His father took him out into the woods, sat him on a tree trunk and then blinfolded him. He had to stay there all night and not take off his blindfold until the morning sun shone through it. All night he was afraid of the wild anaimls coming to attack him or someone else coming Finally, the morning sun shone through and he took his blindfold off. sitting in the tree trunk next his was his dad's. His dad was there the whole night. Even though the boy coul not see him, he stayed there and protected him. Our father will never leave us even if we don't think he is there. He's always there guarding us and keeping us safe from harm.
Now with the new moon upon us, i wanted to start this month off on the right foot. I have released the bitterness I have and am planning on starting new, to rebuild that connection. Iknow this must come first before I can do anything else, and I know that once I do my path will be visible to me. One of my biggest struggles has been faith. Ironiclly, I told my husband this a few years back and said that I thought my next hurdle would be faith. Little did I know that the faith was not whether or not he would catch us if we falll, but a true test on how much he really loved us even if we don't see it. Faith in him not as a God, but as a father to his children, and I am one of his children.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. May the Lord, whoever that may be to you, bless you on your path and each step of your journey
Blessed Be,
Mystic Angel
p.s. I decided to go back to this name because it fits :)
