Today starts a new year and the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I have spent some time thinking , walking blindly through the mists of my mind.
Last night I watched the Mists of Avalon. I found the video awhile back when looking for a song by Loreena McKennit and have been been wanting to see. I thought it was a movie, but further research led me back to youtube, ironically. It's was a tv series back around the time my daughter was born. So I clicked on Part 1 and then continued through the whole series.
It's the story of a young girl and her spiritual journey and training in Avalon. During her training, she was betrayed by the woman who trained her and loved her as daughter. She later learns of the betrayal and turns her back on all that she knew and to began a new journey. Her heart never left Avalon and overtime, it lead her back. But when she turned her back on her traininer, she turned her back on herself and all that she knew, so when the time came for her to return back home, she was unable to lift the veil. The power had left her.And , in time, Avalon was forgotten.
The movie seemed prophetic to me. I feel the call within my heart but have yet to accept it. The sting of betrayal still holds close to my heart. I had to walk alone in order to distinguish between that which is real, ( my own reality) and that which is illusion, ( the reality of the masses). But now I am being guided to make a decision, do I accept the call or do I walk away for all to be forgotten and left behind? I never expected that one day I would have to choose, I always assumed that it would be there when I was ready, but the time in now. I feel that, I felt it last night. Do I serve and trust that the God, the Godess, and the Son will care for me while I am in service, or do I deny what is within my soul and walk away, realizing that I can never come back to this point, and all that I have gained will be lost?
I have walked this path several times already, walking away and coming back. Each time I have come back, things have changed, nothing was once that it was and all that I was supposed to do back then, I can no longer do, for that time is now passed. I can feel it within my entire being, that if I walk away now or if I do not make my choice, then I will loose all that I have been given. At this point I do not know what purpose I serve or what my calling upon my life is, I just know that today I stand upon the crossroads of my life and whichever road I choose, this will be my new path forward on. There will be no coming back or even trying to fix any mistakes I have made. Sure I can choose to take more time, but I can never come back to this moment, and I truly feel that if I leave my path or do not make my commitment today, then I will loose so much that I will never gain back. So at this very moment, I have made my decision and continue down the sacred path of the soul, the path of the Mystics.
From this day forth I follow the path of the Mystics, without reserve, in spite of fear and with a true heart. I accept the call of service from the Divine and and trust that their light guide me on my journey. I trust that our needs will be taken care of on this path. I now accept that which I am called to do and to walk the sacred path of the Divine.
Blessed Be.
