Being depressed and being bed riddin all day and plan to go back to it after dinner i cam to relize i am trying to hard to get my goals done if i follow gods hand and his wisodom things will fall into place nicely however since i am impatient and i get my hopes up and heart broken too easy i wonder if i am trying hard ad i came to a conclusion that i am trying to hard. trying to hard means my heart wil break easy so i must not try hard put my faith in god and faith in friends. i tried everything on my goals i tried many websites and many other places wasted much money and came out to be nothing but heart ache. do i need a vacation yes do i need to put my faith in others only those i trust. i spoke to night to a young woman and i said i have questions but i wont post those questions because i am uncomfortable asking any questions on her faq. i sometimes wonder if i should make a video blog on this issue but my subscribers wouldnt be happy so i dont know. all i know is right now i feel like moses in the 10 commandments. walking thru the desert being purified for gods hand. thats how i feel right now and i feel the bed is the safe place to be till i get things moving. many things to ponder many things to work on and all points to one thing getting things done. i know my pc work can be done, i know my main goals can be done that i can but i wonder am i pushing myself hard on 2 of the goals. i wonder many things. maybe i am being purified so i can get the goals all done i have no clue but i do know i been watching presidential and generals in war movies and i came to a conlusion if they can get something done i can. however only time will tell and maybe im riding myself to hard. i need to slow down and think everything out before i jump in. i need to let things fall into place nicely otherwise i might become a bitter person and i dont want to be a bitter perso. life is to short to be bitter. maybe the goals i seek some of them cant be made because of there too big of goal but i got to keep going. i know i dont focus my goals on my life i just focus my life as me living every day till i am called home to be with god out father and jesus our borther and savior and lord. now i must go and face the world and post future blogs on my recovery program of me getting happy again. maybe its my mother who died and i am depressed on it. maybe im depressed because im worried about several friends who are distancing themselves from me i dont know then again it could be me pushing them away. i need to consult the lord god and jesus for consule on how to get thru everything and to better myself as a person. so i sign off till next blog. i might post another one tonight if i am in the mood.
~Reverend Ritalee