I am starting in researching various Wedding Ceremonies. My first focus will be on the Church of the Latter-Day Dude. (Dudeism).
It is beautiful in its simplicity for the first ceremony.
Dudeist Priest: (turns to groom/partner-to-be) Dude?
Groom/Partner-To-Be: Dude.
Dudeist Priest: (turns to bride/partner-to-be) Dude?
Bride/Partner-To-Be: Dude.
Dudeist Priest: (smiles and spreads hands) DUDES.
Following is another sample ceremony. A bit more complicated. (Those of you who are offended by Foul language, might want to stop here.)
Sample Two:
We are here to participate in a wedding or, in the parlance of our times, to witness these two Dudes in the process of getting hitched (NOTE: “Dude” is the proper nomenclature for both male and female folks).
By this act we unite __________ and __________ in dudely matrimony. What we do today is done in harmony with the laws of the state of _______ and in the beautiful tradition of Dudes throughout history who—while not hee-ros, ‘cause what’s a hee-ro?—fit in with their time and place.
__________ and __________, before I lose my train of thought, I want to say that you stand before me having requested that I marry you both without compulsion but with joy. Do you both do this abidingly and without being uptight?
They answer “Fuckin’ A, man.”
Do any of you compeers know of any new shit that’s come to light concerning why we may not continue with this wedding?
Compeers answer “That’s cool, that’s cool.”
Then let us continue. __________, if it is your desire to become the exclusive coital partner of __________, then repeat after me.
“I, __________, take you, __________, to be my special lady/special man/special partner/what-have-you. In this moment I promise before these compeers to love and abide with you even when you’re busting my friggin’ aggets, and our son or daughter is married to a Jadrool loser bastard, and I got a rash so bad on my ass I can’t even siddown. You know me, beloved, I can’t complain.”
To other partner:
__________, if it is your desire to become the exclusive coital partner of __________, then repeat after me.
“I, __________, take you, __________, to be my special lady/special man/special partner/what-have-you. In this moment I promise before these witnesses to love and abide with you even when you’re busting my friggin’ aggets, and our son or daughter is married to a Jadrool loser bastard, and I got a rash so bad on my ass I can’t even siddown. You know me, beloved, I can’t complain.”
While Dylan’s “Man In Me” plays, the couple drinks from a communal White Russian, puffs from a sacramental jay, or bite from a single In-N-Out Burger, or what-have-you.
_________ and __________, you have shared promises and whatnot in our presence. Do you have a token or symbol of abiding together that you wish to exchange?
Couple replies "Well, yeah."
__________, will you give your token to __________ and repeat these words:
“I give you this ring as a constant reminder of the promises we exchanged today. As you receive this ring, receive my promise to abide always and forever with you.”
__________, will you give your token to __________ and repeat these words:
“I give you this ring as a constant reminder of the promises we exchanged today. As you receive this ring, receive my promise to abide always and forever with you.”
__________ and __________, you have exchanged your promises, given and received tokens, and pretty much have taken it easy in my presence. By these acts you have become matrimonial Dudes. According to the laws of the state of (name of state/intoxication/nirvana/confusion), I hereby pronounce you married Dudes. You may seal your promise with a physical act of love (preferably a kiss).
Couple kisses.
Let us pray. Good Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here. Amen.
Before conducting any Dudeist ceremony, of course, check with the ****s down at the league office (i.e., the local County Clerk) to make sure they’re cool with you performing a wedding service as a Dudeist Priest. If you’re asked to perform a wedding and would like to exchange information, please contact me at dwayne@dudeism.com.
Well, that about wraps her all up. Sure hope you all made it to the finals or fixed the cable and stayed away from any sick Cynthia things this Valentine’s Day with your special what-have-you.
Abidingly,
The A-D
