I, (complete Holy Name, with Mystical Titles, and degrees, designations, offices, etc.), Ordained Priest of the Paratheo-anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric, with the Authority invested at me by the High Priest of It, Office of the Polyfather, The House of the Rising Podge, POEE Head Temple; Do herewith Require of Ye:
1) ARE YE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A CABBAGE OR SOMETHING? The Initiate answers YES.
2) THAT'S TOO BAD. DO YE WISH TO BETTER THYSELF? The Initiate answers YES.
3) HOW STUPID. ARE YE WILLING TO BECOME PHILOSOPHICALLY ILLUMINIZED? He answers YES.
4) VERY FUNNY. WILL YE DEDICATE YESELF TO THE HOLEY ERISIAN MOVEMENT? The Initiate answers PROBABLY.
5) THEN SWEAR YE THE FOLLOWING AFTER ME:
(The Priest here leads the Initiate in a recital of THE ERISIAN AFFIRMATION.) The Priest continues: THEN I DO HERE PROCLAIM YE POEE DISCIPLE (name), LEGIONNAIRE OF THE LEGION OF DYNAMIC DISCORD. HAIL ERIS! HAIL HAIL! HAIL YES!
4) All present rejoice grandly. The new Brother opens a large jug of wine and offers it to all who are present.
5) The Ceremony generally degenerates.