You don't know me. I haven't asked you to, yet I feel I need to introduce myself.
Yes, I know there is an about me but that just doesn't cover it. So This might get a little long.
To truly know me, you'd have to have known me all my life. To truly know me you'd have to be me but I'll do my best to fill in the blanks that should help a bit.
I was born Tracy Lynne Hobbs. I was born and raised in the state of Maine in the USA.
Let me say that as a kid I did not appreciate Maine for all that it is and longed to move away for as long as I can remember.
My parents divorced when I was 3 years old. My father moved to Florida. I don't think I ever felt like I missed my dad being in our home. I talked to him all the time. I would go to Florida and spend time with him in the summer and sometimes on school vacations. And my mother did a great job of making me feel safe, if not always loved.
When I was very young I felt a call to ministry. I have a blog article on my official blog about those who get a "calling". It's like nothing else you've ever felt or will ever feel. It's this strong pull into a life of service.
I sought to achieve that goal. I asked my Pastor, who was the principle of my Christian school, about how to pursue this call. He told me to find another goal because women couldn't be ministers. (he was Baptist) Needless to say I didn't attend that school much longer and I began a quest to find my place.
In the summer of 1988 a few friends had left their famililes and moved in together. One of those friends is the man I am now married to and have been friends with since I was 3 years old. I decided to join them. I wanted to take care of them. I didn't want anyone to struggle and I thought I could "save" them all.
That was the best summer. We lived on the street. We seldom had food or a roof. I often sold my own possesions to feed everyone or to get us a roof for a night. But I learned so much and the bonds created in that summer have lasted to this day.
I was never the same after that. I moved Florida to live with my dad but had no interest in things of kids my age. I quit school and met new friends. We traveled across the country and then back up to Maine where I married one of these friends.
Our other friend had warned me not to but I didn't believe them. I had seen the red flags but I had ignored them. After we were married I knew I had made a mistake and maybe the biggest one of my life.
The abuse got continually worse over the months. I won't go into details because I don't feel that it is necesary for you to know me. I will say that a very dear friend rescued me. She convinced me I didn't deserve the treatment I was getting and helped me get out of there. I know if it wasn't for her, I would not be here to tell my story today.
After I left I went to night school and got my GED. Something I had wanted to do but he would not let me do.
After that I was a very sad and lonely young woman. I had no self esteem left. I hated life. I didn't know how to be happy. It didn't take long before I was in another relationship that I thought would be wonderful that didn't turn out wonderful. But it did give me a life growing in my belly.
So now, I had left another SOB and I was alone and pregnant. For a time I swore off men entirely, but as time went on and my belly got bigger I began to want a father for my child.
I sought out John, who had so long ago told me we would be married one day. He was in a relationship and wished me well. Sadly, I began to seek other possibilities. I dated here and there but nobody was showing me real potential.
Then one day the phone rang. Once again I won't go into detail here. There is the whole story on my official blog. But I will say it was John. He wanted to date. And we have been together ever since. 20 years now.
Our lives together didn't start out perfect. At first we lived with friends. Then John got a job and we were able to rent a small apartment. It was SO cute and SO small, but it was ours.
Not long after getting the apartment one of our friends fell on hard times. We offered him our couch and he jumped on it. We also were feeding several of the local "street kids" who were our friends. Once a day I would cook a huge meal and everyone would gather to enjoy it.
Over the years we upgraded to larger apartments and we had 2 more children. The first friend had gotten on his feet but we had been joined by 2 others who lived with us for years. We no longer fed the "street kids" because most of them had finally gotten on their feet or moved on to other things as well.
In 1996 we got married, officially, and I got a great job at MBNA. And we were both attending college. We began saving and soon after bought a trailer. We rented a lot for it and finally began to feel like we were building a life.
In 1997 my mother purchased a piece of property and asked if we wanted to rent it from her. We were thrilled and moved our trailer there.
Once again we took people in as needed. At one point my dear friend finally left her abusive spouse and she and her children lived with us while they sought their own place. My husband's friend from his youth fell on hard times and he came to live with us a couple of times and occasionally with a girlfriend in tow.
One girl, I don't even remember how we met her, came to live with us for a few months with her children. She got on her feet and moved on.
And there was one who lived with us while she fought to keep her children. I went to court on her behalf. The judge told her that she could retain custody as long as she lived with us. Eventually she too moved on but I was glad to help her.
Soon after I became very ill and eventually could not work anymore. John stepped up his working and provided for the whole family. I applied for disability, which took three years to get, but thankfully because I had worked so much and made a good amount of money I was able to get SSD and help with the bills.
In 2000 our 8 year old daughter was hit and killed by a car near our home. Our lives were shattered. Once again I have written about this at my blog http://sisterjinx.wordpress.com and won't go into all of it here. I will say that the day she was killed our family was injured in ways most people will never understand.
I went on what I call "auto pilot". The shock and grief was too much for me. I functioned somehow but I recall very little of those first years after the accident.
I do remember that during that time many people moved in with us. At one point we had 13 people living in our 12 x 70 trailer.
It wasn't long after that I got my disability settlement and we bought a piece of property in another town and began building a house. I needed to move.
Finally one day I could take no more and we moved to the new house. It wasn't ready. It had no electricity, no running water and no septic yet. But I needed to move, right then, and so we did.
By this time my husband was running a fairly successful construction company. It didn't take long before we got the power, but we lived that first winter in our new home with no running water and no septic. We had a porta potty and we filled gallon jugs at the local store once a week that whole winter.
The following spring we got to work on the well and septic and before summer was in full swing we were up and running.
We had agreed that never again would we allow someone to live with us. That lasted about 3 months.
Over the time we lived in that house we had 3 different families live with us for different periods of time. One family we built their own apartment in the basement so they could feel at home.
We also took in a young lady who was living on her own with noplace to call home. She had left her family and needed someone to care for her. To this day I call her my daughter and she calls me mom.
Over the years many people have come to us for money or loans and we have gladly given when we could. The year my husband's best friend became disabled was the first time they ever could not give their children a Christmas. We couldn't stand it. We went and spent $300 dollars on gifts and took them to the kids with cards that said from Santa so the parents could feel good about it.
We were doing well. We had a beautiful home and a thriving business. I had, for the first time in my life, a new car that I LOVED. Then one day, out of nowhere, John began having trouble walking. He couldn't climb stairs without help. Rapidly he got worse and worse. Then one day he couldn't work anymore.
We were fortunate that the loan company offered us $5,000 plus the loan covered in trade for the house John was building. We took that $5000 and bought a small camper because we knew things could potentially get worse quickly.
I couldn't afford the mortgage payments on my disability. i couldn't afford the heat for the house. One friend offered to let us stay with them but we didn't want to stay in someone else's home, even though we often had done this for others. We all decided that we would park the camper out back and live in it.
That winter the mortgage company forclosed and we lost the house, we had already lost the business, and we were getting too cold in the camper.
I started looking for a campground in the south.
I finally found one I was happy with. We sold John's tools. About $10,000 worth of tools for $3000 and very sadly we sold my car. This gave us enough for the trip and the first couple months of rent.
The thing is we still were not sad. John and I had always talked about becoming full time RVers. We had just planned to do it after the kids were grown and with the money from the houses he was building. But we looked at each other and said "I guess spirit had other plans for us".
The first year in Georgia was not so bad. We struggled for food now and then but mostly things were ok.
The first spring down there we had been looking in to work camping and found an opportunity in Oklahoma. We applied, got the job and headed out there. We were there for 4 months when the owner got ill and they decided to not use work campers for a while and do things themselves. So we had to move on.
We had been talking to our friends in MA and were offered to come and stay with them for the summer to help them fix their roof. John couldn't climb up and do that kind of work but he could talk the husband through it and that's what they wanted.
So up to MA we went. We spent the summer, fixed the roof, helped with some gatherings that they were having, and I taught Chakra classes.
As the weather began to turn cold, we were off once again, back to GA.
The next two years were difficult and often depressing. Supporting a family of three of the very little money I get was not easy but we did it. We had an angel on earth that offered help often and got very upset with me if I tried to decline.
Finally John got his disability approved. We were so happy. As soon as the money arrived we went and bought a truck, though I wish now we had looked a bit longer for one because this one has some real problems.
Our friends in Missouri had been begging us to come and stay for a few months to visit with them. So finally we would be able to do that. Our friend in Indianna wanted us to stop for a few days to visit with her along our way.
While we were stopped in Indianna we drove up to Michigan to pick up our new camper. Then after a few more days getting everything moved over to it, we were on our way to Missouri. It was a tearful departure in Indianna. Our friend wanted us to find a campground and stay there but we had made promises and had to continue our journey.
Arrival in Missouri was wonderful. It was so great to see these friends. Victor I had known since I was 12 and his wife and I had met in GA and hit it off right away. It was like coming home.
We were making plans as to where to go next when Victor took me to the side and asked me if I would stay for the winter. I told him no way at first. He was very upset about that. He asked me every chance he could. Finally I talked to John about it and we decided that we would try.
We paid to have Victor's septic tanks pumped $900. And we bought the items needed to rewire some bad wiring in his house as well as wire up a real plug for us.
Less than a week later, Victor said he was leaving his wife and going to live in Maine. We were in shock. We had just sunk all our travel money into helping them, including buying clothes for her when he couldn't, and suddenly there would be no place to live for any of us.
We spent the next 2 weeks helping his whole family find ways to get back to Maine so they would be safe.
Just as they left, our other friends who Victor had offered a place to stay for a couple of months, arrived. We all picked up together and moved to a campground a few towns away.
Our friends stayed a month and then moved along their journey. We moved to Arkansas and stayed there for a month or two. We were headed toward Texas, which was calling to me, when one day on my facebook wall I see a message from a dear friend in Florida.
He was very ill and his car was broken. He had nobody to help him. He had no way to the doctor or pharmacy. I had known this situation had been getting worse but for some reason i became extremely concerned. I told John we have to go help. John said "you point, I drive". I love that man.
I called our friend, Jim, and asked if he wanted us to come help. He was overjoyed. So we travelled 1100 miles back across the country to be here to help him.
I have never been dishonest about where I live or how I live. I live in a camper. I move where I am drawn to or asked to and in between I live in campgrounds. I have dreams of my own. I am seeking property to buy so that we can allow people to come stay with us once more. I am so drawn to help others and it's painful when I cannot.
So there it is, my life. I've laid it out as best I could. I'm sure there are holes, like that I co-hosted a radio show for a while or when I worked at the newspaper in Connecticut, actually all of my living in connecticut. But the major things are there.
What I didn't include, that I probably should is this. When we first began struggling I was full of pride. I didn't ask for help and when it was offered I said NO because I didn't want people to think of me as needy. One man taught me that it is not wrong to accept help when it is offered. He told me that in fact I hurt the person offering by refusing. He helped me learn to accept help when it is offered. I still struggle with this concept. I struggle with asking. And most times, if it is for me, I won't ask anyone.
I have lived a good life. I am happy. Yes we've had tough times and terrbile things happen but my life is good. I love my camper. I actually look forward to the next campground. I'm proud of who I am and I still try to help others when and where I can.
If you don't know me but you are concerned or curious, ask me. I've always been an open book. Go read my blog. Ask people who DO know me. Ask me and often I'll tell you more than you want to know. (lol I do like to talk)
I get the occasional person saying vile things about me or trying to make me look bad or feel bad about myself, but I also get many emails and msgs about how much I help people. How they look forward to my words. How I inspire them to do more and be more. When those stop outweighing the ones that tear out my heart, I'll fade into the background. But for now, I will continue to be who I am. I will continue to help others when and were I can. I will continue my work in the world because I know that what I'm doing is for the good.
A friend of mine put this on her status yesterday "If you choose to listen to who is talking about me, please do me a favor and ask me if it is true. Because I am the only one who can tell you the truth about ME!" And I so agree with that. I will never understand why some people take gossip as gospel.
namaste.