I ONCE WAS LOST BUT NOW I'M FOUND.....WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE. I OFTEN WONDER ABOUT THE IMPACT ON OTHERS LIVES THAT I MIGHT HAVE IF I COULD SIMPLY TELL MY STORY. THE STORY OF A WOMAN WHO CAME FROM A SMALL FAMILY WITH A MODEST SOUTHERN ROOTED UPBRINGING.....A LIFE FULL OF SECRETS....BECAUSE OF COURSE ,THE NEIGHBORS COULD NOT KNOW WHAT REALLY TOOK PLACE BEHIND THE CLOSED DOORS OF OUR HOME. TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD, WE MUST LOOK LIKE THE PICTURE PERFECT LITTLE FAMILY. LITTLE DID THEY KNOW THAT ONCE THOSE DOORS WERE CLOSED, MY LIFE WAS FILLED WITH VILOENCE. NOT DIRECTED TOWARDS ME...BUT THE VIOLENCE THAT I WITNESSED WAS HORRIFIC. MY FATHER ABUSED MY MOTHER.....AND I LOVED MY FATHER....YET I HATED HIM FOR WHAT HE DID TO MY MOTHER. I BEGGED HIM TO STOP...I CRIED..I PLEADED WITH HIM...AND YET THE ABUSE CONTINUED. I BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT SHE LOVED HIM BUT THAT IN HER OWN WAY, SHE HATED HIM TOO. AND WHO COULD BLAME HER. I REMEMBER THE DAY THAT HE BROKE HER HIP. HE PUSHED HER TO THE FLOOR SO HARD, THAT I REMEMBER THE SOUND WHEN IT POPPED AS IT BROKE. I REMEMBER HIM PICKING UP PLATES FULL OF FOOD AS HE SAT AT OUR DINNER TABLE, AND SOMETHING SIMPLE WOULD SET HIM OFF, AND THE PLATE FULL OF FOOD WOULD GO SAILING ACROSS THE DINING ROOM. ONE WOULD THINK THAT I AM TELLING THE STORY OF A MAN THAT DRANK OR DID DRUGS...NO, THERE WERE NONE OF THOSE, IN FACT, HE NOR MY MOTHER EVER DRANK NOR DID DRUGS AND WERE VERY MUCH OPPOSED TO BOTH. BUT NOW YOU MUST REMEMBER, TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD, WE WERE THE PICTURE PERFECT LITTLE FAMILY. NOTHING BUT LOVE AND HAPPINESS DWELLED WITHIN OUR HOME......AND OUR UGLY SECRECTS HAD TO BE KEPT AT ALL COSTS. OH NO, MY FATHER COULDN'T HAVE LET IT BE KNOWN THAT HE WAS A WIFE BEATER, OH GOSH NO.....WE WERE JUST THE AVERAGE MIDDLE CLASS FAMILY THAT OWNED A SMALL TWO BEDROOM HOME AND HAD DECENT CARS. I WENT TO A PRIVATE CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL AND WAS ALWAYS DRESSED NICELY. AND MY MOTHER CERTAINLY COULD NOT HAVE ENDURED THE SHAME THAT WOULD HAVE WENT ALONG WITH ANYONE KNOWING THAT HER HUSBAND ROUTINELY USED HER AS A PUNCHING BAG. INTERESTINGLY ENOUGH, MY MOTHER NEVER DID ANYTHING TO PROVOKE MY FATHER TO HIT HER LIKE CHEAT OR ANYTHING LIKE LIKE...NO, NOT AT ALL, IN FACT SHE WOULD USUALLY CATCH HER FIRST BLOW SHORTLY AFTER ASKING HIM WHY HE WAS SO LATE IN GETTING HOME OR WHY HE HAD NOT CAME HOME AFTER WORK. YEAH HE WAS THE ONE THAT WAS UNFAITHFUL, YET SHE TOOK THE BEATINGS. I DESPISED WATCHING HIM HURT HER, AND I NEVER KNEW IF THE PAIN THAT HE WAS INFLICTING WAS AS MUCH PHYSICAL AS IT WAS MENTAL. WELL I THINK THAT'S JUST ABOUT ENOUGH REVELATION FOR ONE DAY. I WILL SHARE SOME MORE OF MY BLISTERED PAST TOMORROW. UNTIL THEN I HOPE THAT ALL ARE WELL AND ARE HAVING A MOST BLESSED DAY.
