WEC Approval…
Had a great class last night, but during I wondered if I was doing things “right”. It’s a chaplaincy class, and most are from the same church. They all “know” how to do things in the same way. Now I know I am not a mold fitting kind of person, but still I wanted to fit in. Not to be fake, but to be proper. The whole concept really threw me. It’s not something I thought was an issue for me, but I am finding out it is.
When we are born we act out until our needs are met, this the time when others seek our approval. Seems odd in a way, but infants are wired to react until they are satisfied. As children get older they want to “fit in”. Some see it as being grown up, or you can look at it as being part of something bigger than yourself. At this point there are rules, and reasons for these rules and we spend a child’s growing years teaching them these rules. When the rules aren’t followed they do not get our approval, and in this way we teach our children to seek approval in the world.
What we don’t realize is that as we are doing this we restrict them to seeing things in one way. Even though there are infractions the lack of approval weighs heavy on people, even if they don’t realize it. Some become fanatic about following rules; some do just the opposite and strive not to conform. Most find a happy medium and feel balanced.
As an adult it’s from this history where approval was withheld that we get our triggers, those things that spark you off for no “apparent” reason. A phrase that your parents or teacher used, an attitude, a look, all these things can set off an emotional response that is so ingrained we accept it as right. There are those that will say I don’t care about rules or being accepted, yet they are part of a group of people that feel the same way. We as humans want to BELONG. We find often times we don’t feel we do, we aren’t cool enough, smart enough, attractive enough, strong enough, ….. something that because of prior time of lack of approval we feel is a detriment to our persona. We seek to hide our weakness, expose our weakness, overcome our weakness when in truth it’s just part of who we are. No one can be all things. We take our insecurities and use them as an excuse for failure. Like it’s a bad thing.
It’s not though. There are no failures, just lessons to be learned, there are no weaknesses, just things that you don’t need, because if you did need that attribute you would have it. I do believe that. If you NEED it, you would have it. You might want it, and that is a whole different thing. It’s the wanting that is formed from the NEED of acceptance. We feel our shortcomings need to be hidden. We over compensate with “things” to hide what we feel people would not approve of.
What if we could all just live as though we were all standing before each other naked, in thought, emotion, even physically? What if those that denied their approval stood there with you and you saw they too were just people doing what they had been taught was right, that when you strip away all the pomp, the bling, the bullshit, that no one is perfect, that it’s okay to be just who you are.
I find myself a little lost. I have been trying seek approval, to fit in, but I have no idea why. I have all I NEED, and I have no idea what I want. I study life, I look at all sides of things, the whys and the why nots. All the old haunts are around me, all the ways I am not good enough. It makes me wonder how you get past it all. How you let it go. How you be okay with who you are. It should be so easy.
