A young Catholic priest decided to enter a monastery. He joined one particularly strict sect. The head monk told him, at his indoctrination, that they were sworn to TOTAL silence. They could not speak one word at all. However, every ten years, they would be permitted to speak two words. After 10 years of total silence, the head monk indicated it was now time for him to speak his two words. The monk said, “Bed hard!” And then he resumed his silent study and work. Another 10 years passed and the head monk again indicated it was time for him to speak his two words. The monk said, “Food bad!” And then he resumed his silent study and work. Another 10 years passed and the head monk again indicated it was time for him to speak his two words. The monk said, “I quit!” The head monk shook his head and said, “I knew this was coming. You’ve done nothing but complain for the past 30 years!”
A man, late for an important meeting, was searching desperately for a parking spot in a crowded lot. Looking up to the sky he entreated “Lord if you find me a parking spot, I promise to start going to church again.” The words were barely out of his mouth, when a spot opened up right in front of his car. The man looked back up, “never mind I found one.”
A Priest and a Rabbi were eating together when the priest started to tease the Rabbi.” Wow, this ham is really good” he said licking his lips.” I know it’s against your religion, but when are you going to break down and finally have some.” After a moments thought the Rabbi responded with a smile “at your wedding!”
A friend of mine was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the vicar was standing at the door, as always , to shake hands with the worshipers. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The vicar said to him, “You need to join the army of the Lord.” My friend replied, “I’m already in the army of the Lord, Father.” So the vicar inquired, “Then how come I only see you at Christmas and at Easter?”
My friend whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”
Harry walked over to the Priest after services, “You know Father, I am really stuck in a quandary I would like to attend church next week but I just can’t miss the big game next Sunday, it’s just out of the question.” “Oh Harry Harry” said the Priest putting his arm around Harry, “don’t you know? that’s what recorders are for.” Harry’s face lit up “you mean I could record your sermon?”
Is Goat Food Kosher?
I was at a children’s zoo with my children happily feeding the goats when I noticed a toddler shoving the pellets into his mouth. Scared that it could be dangerous I ran over to stop him, but before I could get there I heard his mother scolding him “Don’t eat those they’re not kosher”