I’m a very busy man I am. I was on the 6 o’clock news yesterday afternoon. They were asking me a couple of questions about the economy, foreign relations, and things like that. Well, I just had to tell them what I thought. I told them that when I was over in ....Russia.... about six weeks ago, I was talking to that Putin fellow. You know. The head Ruskii. He agreed with me completely. I can’t remember exactly what we talked about, but we were in complete agreement. Anyway, if you happened to see that newscast, you heard what I said. Well, the big man in ....China...... he seemed to agree with me also. He gave me a call the other night. My line was busy. I was talking with the head guy in ....Portugal..... Seems to me, he was wondering about something or other. But he seemed very happy with the advice I gave him ; whatever it was.
I was busy writing a letter to the Pope at the time. In reply to an inquiry he had made of me concerning something. But I’m not at liberty to speak about that now. So instead, I’ll tell you about the time I had tea with the Queen of England. Well, she was a real nice lady. We talked about this and that for around forty-five minutes or so. Then I had to excuse myself, because I had an appointment with the Chancellor of Germany. It seems to me I had promised to cut a ribbon of some sort. She invited me to say a few words to the effect of whatever it was I was cutting the ribbon for.
You can see that I am a very busy man. People seek my opinions whenever they can. Seems to me, they most always agree with whatever I tell them, whatever it is. They always appear to go away happy. That’s what I told the man on the 6 o’clock news. I forgot what network it was on.
I don’t always have time for advice though. Because, you know, I’m a professional athlete too. I play a little basketball now and then. A little football, and occasionally, some baseball too. I’m fairly talented, I must admit. It’s sure hard being a professional athlete in three different sports. You’ve probably heard my name mentioned on the sports pages.
Those sports sort of cut into my work time because you see, I’m also an international businessman. I wheel and deal a lot. Oh, I make a lot of money. It keeps me very busy. Very very busy. What, between sports, politics, and business, I just don’t have much time to raise a family. That’s why my ten kids just about drive me nuts! Why, they’re always wanting this and that. I never really have any time to myself anymore. It’s hard to get in my ten hours of sleep that I like to get every day. What with running all over the globe making all sorts of money, playing this kind of game, that kind of game, signing report cards,giving advice, changing diapers, I’m a very busy man. There ain’t anything wrong with being a busy man though. No sir! If I wasn’t a busy man, well, hah, I just wouldn’t have anything to do.
Jay Olson 2012
