SO THERE WE WERE, two weeks away from our wedding and NO MINISTER. Fr. Leslie wasn't sure what to say and do. He being the introspective half of our relationship began a journey inward to explore the meaning of this interuption. I being the extrovert, the mover and shaker started talking. First, I called my DAD. He had approved of our relationship and marriage even though many men in his position might not, even in the 1980's. A quick call to his Pastor and a meeting was arranged for Tuesday. When Pastor Smith entered our apartment his first words were, " I feel the presence of GOD in this place. " What a wonderful soul. That put us both at ease. We proceeded to review a list of 25 topics most discussed in pre-marital counseling. We were asked to identify the one which would give us the most trouble. Would you believe it was " call ahead if you are running late. " We all laughed together about how silly it seemed and yet how important it was to keep others informed. Years later it would prove to be an essential piece of my husband's survival after his car accident. If he had not called me to tell me what time he would be picking me up he might not have been able to easily press redial in his confused post-accident state...15 minutes later.
THE WEDDING DAY WAS BEAUTIFUL. No attendants, we simply walked down the aisle together. Music by Brother Joe. Recorded violin music by Mary. Photos by Sister Alice and Food & Cake by Sister Rita. Pastor Smith stole the show however when he got up to give a short introduction just before the vows. He knew I would be nervous because of all that had happened recently. Out came his Kermit the Frog bookmark, waved in front of my face, he said softly, " It ain't easy being green, is it? " He went on to explain to the congregation that this was the time when people should speak or forever hold their peace. Not a word. Then he proceeded to tell everyone present that it was their responsibility as witnesses to continue to support and encourage us in our marriage as there would be years of disapproval and mistreatment ahead from ignorant folks who would have too much to say about something which wasn't their business any way.
THE MEMORIES of that first Minister have slowly faded from memory. The sting of her words had no lasting effect. Every day brings a new opportunity to speak with other couples about the pros and cons of entering into a "non-traditional" marriage. Every day brings another opportunity to BE A BLESSING to each other and to those who still do not understand by telling them they don't have to understand. Our happiness is not based on someone else's approval or disapproval. IT IS BASED ON OUR DECISION TO BE HAPPY AND TO DO OUR BEST EACH MORNING TO GET UP AND SAY--THIS WILL WORK.
The years since our wedding have provided many more challenges as the winds of political change blew strong and threatened our union from time to time.
TOMORROW, PART III How to MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK when others try to INTERFERE...