I just read an interesting story about a man who witnessed the conversion of a man who described himself as a "son of satan". It got me thinking about the subject of change.
To witness a transformation is always a powerful experience. I have been really fotunate to have seen a number of these kind of transformations in my life. Some could be described as religious, some more spiritual in nature, many could be described as psychological or theraputic. I appriciate these experiences (I have had a few of them myself) and celebrate the diverse variety of ways they can occure in the lives of human beings. In regards to the one I read about this morning, he experienced a conversion or change in attitude and outlook. Depending on who you ask you'll find a variety of interpretation to explain how and why conversions happen. Take one of mine for example; for a time my days, months, (OMG!) years were spent getting high on mood altering chemicals and doing everything I could to stay high. I did many dangerous harmful things and in spite of my fear of getting into legal trouble, I never had a problem with law enforcement. But one day something happened and I got clean and sober. My world changed radically. Now I can't jaywalk without getting a ticket! I only want to illustrate that our perceptions and the way we recount our stories to others is affected by our outlook and temperment. I felt lost, something happened and I was "saved". My "reality" changed. There was so much more going on in my life during that period, many underlying issues; past traumas, stress, grief, chemical dependency, misplaced anger and frustration (my using one of the most obvious symptoms of these unresolved conflicts and issues). Now sometimes these conversions happen slowly over time, what someone called the "educational variety", sometimes they are sudden and more dramatic. My feeling is that the "conversion" is part of a process of change. Some have described this in terms of stages; Precontemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action and Maintanance.
Conversions have historically been used to promote or provide evidence that a particular product or set of beliefs are valid and real in some sense. "I was lost and unhappy, but I found (fill in the blank: God, religion, a commercial product, someone, something, anything) and now I am saved or happy or healed or sober". This doesn't speak to what motivates or provokes the process. Conversions in my opinion don't in and of themselves provide "proof" that any particular product or world view is better than any other. I may run faster with a tomato in my shoe, that does not prove that tomatoes make me run faster.
The Blog I was reading was exploring another question, as the gentleman he was writing about considered himself a "son of satan", and the writer was pondering the meaning of this self assessment and it's impact the conversion had on his life in regards to consequences.
Some would say we are all lost sinners, as a way of describing the idea that we are prone to shortcuts, half truths and self deception, often resulting in harm to ourselves and others. I see this "religious" language as a metaphor. It points to a deeper reality and meaning.
For me personally, the most important thing about these tranformations is what they results in. Is it a temporary emotional rush followed by a depressing crash? Or is it an opportunity to take stock, find new solutions, make plan, set goals and keep this experience fresh and alive in my life in order to maintain my sobriety and continue the process of living and enjoying life without causing myself or others harm? You know my answer!
