My soul is filled with anguish, my God, why is it so;
That Mother Nature turned her back on me, that evolution let me go?
Did I deserve, from start of time, this punishment of sin?
Is it just another consequence of being Adam's kin?
An oppressive, hopeless, ancient curse that haunts me every day;
An official outcast of Your Church for, God help me, I am gay...
Why, oh why, I rave and rant while searching for the truth;
Is it because of something that happened in my youth?
Is it because my boyhood friends were tender, warm, and true?
Is it because we played, and bathed, and slept together, too?
Is it because my brother's arms, so hard and sculpted, held me?
Is it because my father's love enveloped and compelled me?
Why oh why, I cry aloud in a never-ending whirl
Of questions and self-hatred can I not love a girl?
No medicine, no therapy, no counseling of mind,
Not even prayer, petition, or seeking out my kind
Has helped me understand the reason, or a solution to find.
I've been told to "offer it up," to "live with it," to "take it all in stride;"
To stifle, gag, suppress it and, above all, told to hide.
Your promises I wait for, hope in, and the pain endure;
For only in life eternal will I be free and rest secure.
Until then I'm left to ponder in all horror, grief, and loss
That, perhaps, two thousand years ago, my one, true love
was nailed to a Roman cross.
To stifle, gag, suppress it and, above all, told to hide.
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