Even though the topic says, “Understanding Relationships”; the subject matter is so vast that is hard to pinpoint a single rule to stick to in having successful relationships. The model of marriage is no longer functional. It has now been replaced with a new model that is designed to assist spiritual growth. This is of the spiritual, or sacred, partnership model. So far no one has spelled out exactly how Spiritual Partnership differs from the old models of marriage and love, or exactly how it works in everyday life. Exactly how do I "nurture my own or another's spiritual growth?"
I have found the model of “Intentions, thoughts, words and Actions” work extremely well if two are supposed to have a happy and fruitful relationship. Often times when the intentions are verbalized they are a complete mismatch to the thoughts, words and actions, or something in these four quadrant model is out of wack. It has been noticed that less and less people are willing to exercise their brain muscle for the purpose of thinking and they rather follow the models portrayed by their family, media and friends.
Media, especially has been pivotal in our behaviour. The trouble with this is that they end up having similar results but since they have not used the “thinking” action to begin with, now it is time to “blame”. In a situation like this, they go through one unhappy and unsuccessful relationship after another, without completely grasping what went wrong and yet repeating the same mistakes over again.
Whether we admit or like it or not, relationships revolve around change and learning. We change to keep the relationship smooth. When you change something, you are telling your partner, “You are worth it.” When you stay absolute in your ways, you are basically saying, “You can stay, or you can leave; this is who I am and have always been. You loved me like this; so continue giving and I will continue taking, but don’t expect me to change”.
We also learn what the partner likes and dislikes and with enough change we try to accommodate a peaceful surrounding which we both can enjoy for years to come. In the relationship, it is not about “me” and it is not about “you”, it is about “us”. When one misses the concept of “us” the whole hell breaks loose.
The other part of the quadrant is the “thought” section. Your thoughts must be concentrated around the person you are with now and not on the comparison of how your life was lived with your previous partner. You need to open your eyes and see the current partner in what he/she is offering and not blindly use “words” just for the sake of saying something. Trust me when I say, that there are a lot of friendships and relationships that have been buried six foot deep because of just words.
If your “Intention” is to have a happy and fulfilling relationship for a lifetime, always put yourself in your partners shoes before you think, talk or act. If you are planning on a short term relationship, say all you need without thoughts. Both result in successful endings. One succeeds in a happy, long and fulfilling life together and the other succeeds in you constantly looking for your new and perfect partner.
In Love and Light,
EL