Had a question come my way that I thought will make a nice article. So here is the question: What is the underlying reason that I am feeling attached to someone that is not really my boyfriend, lover, and or partner. I know through my mind and intellect that we are not committed to one another however, I am behaving like a jealous girlfriend. I recently have connected with someone that lives in another country. I love everything about him, he adores me, and we connect on every level including GOD and our spirituality. I, for two seconds, gave in to the possibility that it could work with him being in another country and me being here. I know that I do not want a relationship that is long distance. I have been without a person in my life for a long time. I do not want a pen pal. I want to live my life and enjoy in the company of my beloved. I have been diligent about not compromising or settling. I want to know why I want to be attached emotionally to this person.
The answer I could come up with: first we must consider the need for being loved. When one says that they have been without a person in their lives for a long time; this opens up the argument of the person longing for a relationship. Longing for someone to be in their life. The feeling of “longing” for anything including a relationship comes from feeling the lack of something. Feeling “lack” for anything will bring about exactly that: “lack”. Feeling of lack also brings about immediate attachments even if the thought just crosses your mind.
Here is an analogy: when we are hungry and take a trip to the supermarket to shop, even though we may not feel potato chips are good for the diet we are on, we will try to rationalize and pick one up. We can go as far as saying, “I read the ingredients in this one and aside from…. Everything else looks good in this”. . I can go as far as to say that during Christmas season I have seen two people fight over one item if there is only one left; even though it may not be all that important or the best of the best. When we go shopping with the stomach full, we read the ingredients twice and shop wisely and learn from previous shopping incidents. We do not settle. We do not try to make it sound OK. We buy healthy and we are happy about our choice for days to come. And we do not even fight over it with someone else.
Here, you have met this man with somewhat of a hunger for a relationship and longing for someone to be in your life for a very long time and are overlooking the ingredient of him being in a different country. You also with the lack you are feeling has become quickly attached to something that you know you don’t even want. Now someone is trying to even look at the item and you freak out.
Start with looking at this man as only a “pen pal”. Allow him to make life choices and IF by any chance the life choice will be for him to move here or you to move there and make a life together, let it happen in a smooth sailing. Remember that anything that you fight to get, you will have to fight to keep. Feeling jealous is fighting to keep something. Relax and give up the ownership. Specially that no promises are made on either side.
I hope this helps in some little way.
In Love & Light,
EL
