I am from a tribe
I know not what tribe that is
For I am the product of mixed breeding
I came from a family
I never really knew
Raised by distant relatives
My history is more a mystery
My grandparents on both sides
Long sense dead
My uncle closest to my mother gone
My father died before I was 3
My mother abandoned me several states away
For hopefully someone to find and care for
Parts of my father’s family took me in.
By 6 I had finally seen that being me in this family
Simply wasn’t a good thing
I saw spirits I talked to them each and every day
This does not fit in main stream society
One mention of this gift
Left me reeling from the hit
Down to my knees I was sent
It’s the devil they say
What would they do if they knew spirits isn’t all I see?
Seeing ghosts and spirits of all dimension’s and kinds
That’s just one part to the soul that is me
The pictures much larger then they see
The church condemns me
By 8 I withdrew to my core
I was ashamed to be me
Maybe they were right the devil lived inside me
I clung to the church in god we trust.
Surely he would save me take away these abilities
They said accept Jesus: Satin will leave.
I did as they wished I gave all my time my spirit to
Their beliefs for years I did this hiding from myself
I let them convenes me this was how it was supposed to be
When spirits would talk I would push them away, I haven’t got time for you in this life I must live.
The time I spent in their ways their sins
The more I longed to be me again.
They tore away my pride and my faith,
They ripped me away from all that was meant to be
I let them for a while
Till life seemed dead to me, hate and judgment was all around me
I couldn’t escape it I tried and tried but everywhere I went there it was.
I felt dead inside like all spirit had abandoned me.
My health faded fast
If I was evil then why I was made
I could touch you and see all your histories.
I could see the truths behind the lies you preached
You own disbelief in the things you pushed on me
In your hand or your eyes I could read
The path where you where meant to be
All the paths before you that you could take
By 13 the visions they abilities they continued to grow
All the while I grew to
I said to hell with religion and all its trappings
I decided my path the only one I could see
Sense I was 6 when most kids learned to read
I could read anything
I began to write stories and such
I dreamed of death a savior from the pain
To join the spirits I knew so well in a world
Living this double life was warring on me
I began to rebel against all life
To drink and smoke in excess
By 16 an alcoholic I’d become
I wanted to be normal to not see what I saw
Yet what I saw made me who I was and I couldn’t
Escape
Countless times my life would hang by a thread
Yet there I still stood still walked
A living medical mystery
For not one of them seen
The strings holding me
When I was 10 at the flea market
My family and I went
When I saw a physic palm reader ahead
My adrilnilan surged I wanted so badly to meet her
For some reason I knew she would see who I was meant to be
I had read in books and see on TV people who could read like me
I always wanted to meet someone else like me
But alas I knew my parents would never allow it
For that was devils play and I could not partake
My depression kicked in knowing my hopes
Where being dashed before they really began
Then out of the corner of my eye a wolf started at me
Not in life but a statue and I knew this was how I would meet this women I wanted so to meet
I went to look at the statue and in my mind I called over and over in my mind for her to come to me.
As I stood their staring at this wolf she approached from behind me
I could feel her energy and I knew she felt me.
She stood beside me looking at the statue.
We stood there a moment not speaking
I finally said I wanted to meet you but my parents wouldn’t allow
She said where are they I motioned down the aisle to them
She glanced in their direction
I told her I wanted to know what I was
I told her I knew I was unlike everyone else
I told her I wanted to be free to be what I was
Though I had no clue how to do so,
She told me that I was a reader the most powerful she had ever met
She told me to turn me hand over so she could see it from the distance
I did so I felt her reading me
I allowed it because I wanted answers
She told me I had a powerful life ahead of me filled with more heartache then most could bear
She said my life would be one of sacrifice and that happiness would only come to me when I believed in what it was I was
She said I had the oldest soul she had ever met and potential to be a force for change in the world.
I had so many questions to ask her.
I could feel my family approaching as did she.
She reaches out and grabbed my hand she looked me in the eyes
She said you must believe in yourself and stand your ground.
Someday you will be great and many people will depend on you.
With that she turned a walked away asking people walking by if they would like a reading.
My family walked up to me asking me what she said to me
I told them she said I was an old soul and I should believe in myself. The got very mad at this
I looked back at the wolf statue for solos that this really happened.
My family drug me away never to see this woman again.
But her message stuck with me even when I didn’t want it to
I lost my fear in the wolfs eyes as I always did.
You see when I was but a child a wolf appeared to me in my dreams
It is a symbol of my personality as it was a teacher to me
It’s been with me sense I was 3
Such a comfort to me it was and still is today
I had a connection to things
Be it animal or tree
Wind or rain
Stormy or calm
Plant or human
Spirit or ghost
They have always been alike to me
Except the wolf I always felt it lived inside me
Not like shape shifting it seems
More like spiritually
I knew from early childhood a mother I would be
My connection to earth, the past and the present grew immensely
Times would always arise when ide lose my way
I would pretend to the world that I was normal
Completely normal with no special gifts no incite
I would try to have normal relationships with people
This never lasted long
As I grew my connection to my soul came through
It granted me a chance to remember my ways
Life after life I was always the same
Never sense modern man took over the world have I been allowed to be the same in public
The more I saw the more I knew
There was more to me then I could believe
A crises insured in everything I knew
It took my son’s death at 16 to finally see
I couldn’t keep hiding from me
Years of running pretending not to see
Pretending to be somebody I just wasn’t meant to be
I went to my birth mother seeking answers
Maybe she could explain about me
I told her I was unusual and unlike anyone else I knew
Questions filled my mind
Tears ran from my eyes
This was scary admitting to someone who and what I really was
I didn’t know her nor her me.
Though we were bound by blood no other connection did we have
Things that had been haunting me
Why had she abandoned me
Was it because of my gifts or was it just an inconvenience to have a child so sick
Turned out my family had a history though she knew little more than stories to tell me
I never realized she didn’t have her mom and dad either
Though I was much younger when she abandoned me she at least knew what it was no not know where you came from
She would tell me stories of meeting my father of his power with women,
She told me stories of drinking and partying of wild times and free love.
But when it came to her family she had little more than ideas and stories she’d heard.
She told me of a story that she thought was about her great grandmother, possibly great great grandmother on this I am unclear
The Story she told was of a young Indian women the daughter of a seer and a seer in her own rite
She told me she was very in tune with nature around her and stories go that she could make homemade silk from nature.
She spoke of her ability to speak to animals and how she worked with the spirit of the wolf.
One day while out gathering herbs she ran upon a male hunter of another tribe.
They wouldn’t speak to one another because their tribes did not get along
He could have captured her and forced her back to his people or killed her for encroaching on their lands.
He didn’t do anything but watch her
She continued to gather her herbs scared because she knew her life hung in the balance.
She began to sing trying to calm her nerves while asking the spirits of the forests for help.
The hunter was stunned by her voice her beauty and her ability to seemingly talk to the world around her.
She left the area as quickly as she arrived.
He sat there a while thinking about her and her energy.
He was not a shaman but he could sense energy.
She was clearly highly valued in her tribe and would be worth a great deal if he were to capture her.
He formulated a plan to follow her when she stepped outside the boundaries of their land.
Part of his plot was to do the honorable thing for his people the other part of him just wanted to see and hear her again.
As the maiden made her way back to her village she sang and thought deeply about the man in the forest.
She couldn’t understand why he just watched her,
Her father taught her that the other tribe was blood thirsty and would kill before talking.
She pondered on his red skin and his dark eyes
She believed that he was unusual somehow and she formulated a plot to read him
The dance between them began as they treaded on the rules of their societies.
It was said that he never spoke of their encounters to his people
It was said that she spoke only once to her mother about the situation.
After a while their dance around one another got closer and closer until they began to speak to each other.
Their bond grew slow over time
Several years this continued all the while each progressed through the rituals and daily responsibilities of tribal life.
She became stronger and more in tune with not just animals but humans and spirit. Her gifts far surpassed her mothers.
She became the village shaman or wise women,
Her chief wanted to marry her off but each time she refused saying she had to concentrate on her abilities.
This worked for a while but the chief became impatient knowing that she needed to have children so the line would continue
After a while the chief ordered her to marry.
In the young man’s tribe he became a great hunter and was soon make one of the lead hunters, his family pushed him to marry but he refused saying he needed to spend his time training new hunters.
Both kept this up till they were forced to make a choice.
One day while meeting in the forest the women told this man of her situation, he was enraged on the inside at the idea of her with another man.
She told him she wished to defy the chief’s wishes but she was scared to for her people. He asked her why she would defy her chief, she said simply because I only feel at home when I am with you.
This to fly all over the man because he felt the same
He looked deep into her changing eyes and said we must tell our people of our love and unite our tribes.
Thinking this could work they went back to their family’s and told them of their love and their desire to marry.
This did not go over well, each tribe viewed this as a betrayal to their people, each pleaded their cases for joining the tribes into one family. Nether group would budge their conflicts where old and could not be changed. They were told if they didn’t follow the rules of the tribe and never see each other again and marry inside their tribes then all would be fine if not then they were to leave and never return. That they would be disowned from the family and the tribe
This broke their hearts because they loved their families and their tribes they didn’t want to leave. There were many white people here now and the lands where not as they once were. Where would they go and what would they do. They had to decide what to do if their love was worth it.
It was told to me that my great grandmother went into a vision quest to talk to the guides of the universe to ask them what she should do.
When she returned from that vision she packed her few things and let out. He could feel her sever her tie to her tribe and he met her in the forest his belongings in hand.
They set out in the old world with new rules and no family.
Finally something in my life made sense.
Though this story sounded more like a storybook tail then a history I felt there was some truth in it.
For years the face looking back at me looked so different then my family.
I had a long slim face
Long slender arms and legs
My eyes changed colors with my moods
My skin wasn’t white though it wasn’t red
I looked to my family all the time for some semblance
I looked like my father in many ways but in others I looked like no one
The people on his side of the family all had red and white skin
My mom had pale ashy skin
My grandmother on my dad’s side was bright white
Her husband was blood red
Me I am as bronze and golden looking as can be,
Their skin looks pale and has no luster or shine
My skin always even when ashy looks like it’s full of rich oils
I can spend 10 moments in the sun and brown like others do in a whole day
I never burn like the rest of my family
They all love to sun which I do to but I much prefer the moon
They are all fat and full of hate and judgment
Me I have always craved peace and quiet natural surroundings
I have long fingers and toes they don’t
I walk on my toes they walk heal to toe
The differences keep mounting up
The similarities are harder and harder to find
Finally I was getting somewhere.
I had heard that my father’s side had Cherokee in them
Now if only I could figure out who these people where my mom spoke about
Maybe I could finally figure out how I came to be.
The red in my family finally made sense the Cherokee are always red tented or so it seems from each one I have meet.
But that don’t really match with me
I thought well who was my grandparents on my mother’s side
I asked and she confessed to me that the man on her birth certificate might not be her real dad,
Well that left me stunned their all dead how am I to prove much with that.
I can call on their spirits if only I knew their names that’s if they haven’t reincarnated yet.
She told me her mother and supposed fathers name though was about it that her memory contained.
You see my mom was a hooker by trade an addict by life.
After my dad died it left her free to find an easy way to pay for her addictions and needs.
Though she quit the life several years after starting it insured me to not have a mother
I asked her time and again each time I went to see her if she could tell me about our history.
Often times the stories would change sometimes she couldn’t remember anything she told me.
Before she killed herself she admitted to me that she all her life had her voices and spirits visit her in her sleep.
This was shocking because when I admitted my gifts to her she wanted me to quit being me.
She begged me to stop listening to stop seeing what I saw; regardless of how sick that would make me.
I tried and I tried to explain my fate to her,
That because of her and my father’s needs for booze and drugs and other socialites, that I had been born sick and weak,
My body had given out on me
What I had was my gift and my abilities; time and again they saved my life when doctors left me for dead
Being what I am is what keeps me alive for that I am sure.
For each time I stopped walking the path I was gave
My health failed me, and back to deaths door it would take me.
I had learned by now being 18 years old and finally having the child I always dreamed of. That faith in yourself could give you many things,
The last time I saw my blood mom I told her I loved her and I understood what she did,
That I held no hate or harbored her any grief,
Though I would have rather her be the mother to me she was intended to be I accepted that it was not meant to be. And because of all the strife and grief the physical abuse and sexual abuse pilled on with spiritual and physiological abuse laid upon me it had made me strong and powerful in my own ways.
It made me the mother she could have never been to me and for that I thanked her. I told her I loved her and no matter what the past held she was my mother and for that I was grateful. Because of her I was going to help many people in this world.
A few months later I got a call that she had killed herself and I knew I had finally gave her the peace she needed to let go.
She was dyeing you see and she wouldn’t tell anyone because she thought it would hurt us.
She had already caused so much grief she felt it was best to put herself to sleep.
And that she did for the rest of my life she will be a spirit instead of a person to me.
Now a mother myself in a marriage from hell, I had to make some choices for what life was going to be.
I wanted more for my daughter and me,
Not more in the sense of money and houses and fame
Or power or greed,
I wanted a relationship that would stand the test of time and memory,
I left my husband and started life on our own just me and my daughter with a dream in our hearts,
Though my mother’s death I realized several things about her and me,
We really weren’t all that different,
She her spirits and had visions and astral traveled in her sleep,
The difference in her and me is I didn’t fear them or make them evil or have them turn on me.
I fought through the pain the isolation the grief of being the only one who could see for years and years before finding the answers I was seeking.
I worked on myself my spirit my soul. I got fully reacquainted with who I had been before.
Her death taught me that time on this earth is taken for granted,
I realized the difference in us was I accepted my path while she hid in the shadows afraid of her gifts she perverted them turning them against her making her lose her mind and her memory.
I knew this would never be me.
I would never allow this to happen to me or my daughter you see
Never once did she open to her gifts well not me
I was going to open as far as I could and never stop trying to become more then I was.
I started expanding my circle seeking out people who understood things about me.
I knew what I was and who I was
I knew I had abilities that others couldn’t dream of
Each day they grew with me becoming a natural part of me
Closer and closer each day I found that the more I explored and expanded the more grounded and balanced I felt,
I continued my religious studies, something I had been doing all my life; I started working through history to prove the past lives I had seen
I wanted to prove I was what I saw myself being.
It started a journey for me one that I walk still today
The day I went to my step father’s house to gather the last of my mother’s things I stepped out of that house with a new determination.
This women lived a life of pain and addiction trying to hide from what she was trying to pretend to be normal
She dove into church and god just like I had done
Only it killed her,
Not me not my daughter
I knew what all I could do
I knew how to use my abilities
I knew how to contact her spirit
I could give my mother something no other human she knew could
I could show her the truth
She could see me in the spirit world and I could show her how things works
For the first time in her life she wouldn’t have to wonder anymore about heaven or hell or god or the devil,
I lived every second of everyday in the spirit world I knew how it worked.
I wasn’t blinded by stories and make believe; I couldn’t help but know the truth of life and death because I lived it every day.
When I found her searching for golden roads and a path to a gate and a doorman that didn’t exist I begged her to follow me as did my father.
We convinced her to go with us. I had showed my father the ropes of the spirit world years before and he agreed to help me with mother when she died.
I showed her all over the spirit world I showed her how souls die what happens how they are reborn if they are reborn where they go if they decided not to, I showed her how animals and nature at a whole was energy and we all worked on the same wave lengths if only we listen and pay attention to them.
She fought me all the way
Refusing to believe that there was no pearly gates
She left my father and me in her search,
My father told me Ana go after her
I told him no
I cannot help who do not want my help
Even if they are my mother, I can’t force her to believe
From time to time she drops by to say hello and see how things are going but for the most part she wonders the spirit world hanging out with old friends and living the spirit life
She still looks for those gates but has gotten sidetracked in her search; I will always keep an eye on her and watch out for her she is my mother.
But I won’t force things on her.
She will see in her own time and she will come to me, they always do
When we align ourselves with evil and hate, judgment, and greed
We damn ourselves to a hell of our own making
I as a guide in the spirit world work with this every day
I have to explain to people they have put their faith in a lie I have to show them how it works,
I have to help them see the truth
After that it’s up to them how they proceed
If they want my help I give them all a way to reach me instantly
So often I deal with peoples tortured existence they sustain and I have to break through it to help them
This is always the case with the religions of Christianity
The lies they feed their people make work for me very hard
It leaves them un preairied to help or protect or anything for themselves in the spirit world
Thousands of years now I have watched soul after soul live in torment and denial
This world our earth began its spiral into decay
The day this became our everyday life.
When it replaced and killed out and burned and destroyed our history our faiths our lives it put us in a spiral down into the depths of hell on earth.
The day when spirit was stripped from this earth and its people its lands and its animals
Faith and love Honor and Humility was removed
It was replaced with judgment of who is worthy and who is not who is good and who is not
We stopped caring for our neighbors
We stopped helping others and leading a life in tune with nature
Happiness and hope left this world
In persecution and need for mind control and government control
The true tribes of lands went into hiding
While evil swept this earth in waves that have not stopped still today
We did this knowing we must regroup
We must grow strong and powerful in ourselves and in nature
We trained and worked to become all that spirit wanted us to be,
We live in peace and harmony with the world around us
We knew someday we would be reborn again
And when these days came the world’s true people would rise again
We would unite to bring back the power and balance on nature and energy to the world around us
We would have to save once again what human ambitions have destroyed
When this finally started to occur
The tribes of life and lands started to emerge
We have begun to unite
Many of us have been reborn to this new world with the knowledge
We need to affect the change in the world from the inside out
Those like myself reborn into this earth to start the change
To ignite people to find their selves and to believe in what they were meant to be
Those of us who are as old as the earth herself
Have begun to emerge from hiding
The last ditch effort to save all those of civil ways
We offer to the world and its people our knowledge
Our faith
Our histories
Our rituals
Our cultures and lifestyles
We offer to you a connection the the worlds around you
An understanding of your soul and your purpose
We share with you our abilities of every kind
So that at least one or more may see
That human kind was never meant to be this way
All those willing to see truth, honest, honor, logic
Tangible things not make believe
For those wanting to live in peace and harmony
We extend our hand to you
Our hearts, our hidden magical attributes
In hopes you’ll take a thread of hope to share with the world around you
As the time of rebirth is going on all around us
All those in the know will see the changes and feel them
We will be prepared for whatever life throws at us
Finding that peace within yourself makes all the difference in the world
Understanding the balance of the good and bad within ourselves
Not being afraid to pull on those sides and trust ourselves to know right from wrong.
We are working to gather ever open heart and mind across
All the lands of the worlds
Uniting us all as one family under one world with many differences
We will grow and sustain what remains and rebuild what has been lost to us.
We each have the power within ourselves to be whatever it is we desire to be.
I learned this lesson years ago
I write this now to share with you
A small part of my journey
What I have learned and where I plan to go from here
I offer you the opportunity to take the walk with me
To learn the powers of mind body and soul
To align yourself with the universe and all the power it holds within it
You are your own person and you are about to face a choice
A life you didn’t expect.
It is your choice how to want to live your life
All I hope is that by reading this you will realize there is more to life than meets the eye and there are people out there willing to help you understand the things you don’t
I am Ana I come from a tribe
Though I do not know that tribe or its name
I feel it in my soul
I am of the tribe of life
The power of the universe
I am not the enemy nor am I hear to hurt you lie to you or mislead you
I am merely here to show you the truths that have been hidden to you and allow you to make decisions for yourself.
This is your life your path and your destiny, just be sure when you make your choices you make them because it’s what’s going to promote you to a higher understanding of your world
Backwards never gets us anywhere
We have lived that way long enough it’s time for a change
I hope that you can take part of my story to heart and see that though it seems we may not start on the path of balance and possibility. Though we can arrive there through understanding ourselves
Never be blinded by the promises of false pretenses
Trust your heart and your soul
Believe in who you are and never pretend to be something you’re not
Accept what you are and love yourself for being it
Wither you are solitary or your social you belong to a family
That family is the tribes of life. Somewhere somehow we come back to them no matter how hard we try to pretend we don’t
We came from people of the earth and it is to them we own our lives. We should honor that with respect for all living and nonliving things
Whether you want to believe or not I am your family and you are mine.
We can unite and help each other as family or we can deny one another and live in pain and fear.
We have many choices ahead of us.
I offer to you my hand my knowledge and my help,
If you take it then I welcome you to the family of love and light and peace
I welcome you to the tribes of life.
May we walk into the future hand in hand heart in heart and souls to soul knowing and understand ourselves and our universe.
