Will I Ever Find This Again???
Most my adult life from high school to the days before I had stomach surgery I never really dated a girl, I was more concerned with having a half hour to an hour with a girl I won't go in to details about it, just say it was all about me... I never learned how to date, every time I tried asking a girl out I was turned down so, I just was in to the brief time I got from women I met for brief encounter$... (note: didn't get to be around others after/before school like others so didn't really learned ways to be around girls)...
After my stomach surgery my life changed a lot (I used a manual wheelchair because I needed for going longer then 20feet n in public to guard from falling n broken bones), I hooked up with a girl (20years old) at 1st I wasn't thinking about a meaning full relationship with her... After I had a few times togethers with her things started changing, she gave me a closeness I never felt with anyone before or since... We sat on my sofa together watching TV while she rested next to me n I holding her... When we went out we held hands... I even remember a nite I carried in my lap n arms while I used my legs to move my manual wheelchair... I started having a deep concern for her n one day she was in lot of pain n she begged her mother to take her to the hospital but her mother didn't want to so I went her instead, she had me join her in the exam room in the ER; I sat next to her in my manual wheelchair, a nurse entered at same time she had a painful cramp I leaped up taking hand n letting her squeeze my hand as she had the cramp... There were times when she came over to my apartment she had me brushing her hair for long periods of time (20-40mins or so) then we cuddled holding each other for periods of time...
I Never Had a Connection with Anyone Like This Before Her or After Her... Problem was she was playing me I will not go in to it but that is when I started drinking n falling in to a deep deep deep depression... After issues between her, I n another guy in her life I was trying to drink myself to death n nearly did...
I have survived my drinking depression, moved 1800 miles away from her n have rebuilt my life n I love life again, I have a different out look about sexual things n now believe it is only for married couple n in my belief meant for building my future family... I have a great Love for God, Jesus n the Holy Ghost/Spirit... The Great love of my faith came after my stroke n I can't prove it I know I am Alive to help others find their path of spirituality, not to convert or condemn but help them discover the happiness they can have from their path...
Okay my question is Will I Ever Find a Love of a Woman??? Will I ever hold hands with a girlfriend, will we cuddle, will we hold each other as we watch TV/Movies/etc, will she want/enjoy me brushing her hand, will I ever have a girlfriend that I will worry n care over when she is sick/hurting n will she worry over me; lastly will I find a true blessing of a faithful woman wanting the above(in this paragraph) n want to build a family together??? Will I find a wife that will look in to my soul n not be concerned about my wheelchair n limited mobility??? Will I have the great blessings of having a loving wife n family???
I ask God about this n am leaving it to Him to make it happen, I believe I will connect with a faithful woman but the waiting period is so hard, lonely n a little depressing...
I know I have grown so much since my early life n my stroke n now am in the correct mind, heart n soul to be a faithful loving man for my future wife n we will marry n we will be together forever even after death yes that line Will Not be use the one that says 'to death do we part' we will marry for all time n beyond!!! Mainly I know this because mortal life is too short to be married we will marry for now n forever...
So, guess even if my wait to connect with her seems long n a bit depressing the happiness will be great n for all time!!!
HUGs to U n if my future Wife reads this Super Big Bear HUGs to U my sweetness!!!
Truly,
Giovano 'Koala' Fusco Jr.
6/18/2015
