LOVE
“What is this thing called love,
This funny thing called love?
Who can solve it’s mystery,
Why should it make a fool of me?”
Cole Porter
Circa. 1940
What, indeed, is this thing called love? It has been described through the ages in countless ways. Plato said, “At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.” Gandhi professed, “Where there is love there is life”. Christ told us to love our neighbor.
We have labeled love as bliss, blind, foolish, funny, painful, poetic, romantic, and remorseful. There is puppy love, love at first sight, love everlasting, love unrequited, (a many splendord thing?), its bad, it’s beautiful, and it’s heaven, its hell. Love makes the world go ‘round, love is the cure for all ills. Amazon.com lists over 32,000 books on the subject of love. Google the word love and you get an impressive 36,000,000 hits.
In 1965 Erich Segal’s best selling novel, “Love Story”, was made into a movie. It has become a classic film romance. A latter-day La Boheme where boy meets girl, boy wins girl, girl dies, boy loses girl. It was an enormous box office success. For millions of teen-age girls (and to the despair of their parents) it immortalized the phrase, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
At the risk of contradicting Mr. Segal and offending that generation of teen-timers I would like to propose the following: love, true love, authentic love, enduring love means never having to say, “I love you.” That is not to say that we need not affirm our love verbally. Everyone likes to be told they are loved. However, real, genuine love is not something we say, it is something we do. Love is not some thing, rather, despite Webster’s Dictionary; it is a verb that demands action. The great philosopher Swedenberg said, “If love does not become deed, it ceases to be love.”
Several years ago, in a workshop, I heard a young man, dying of AIDs, describe how his parents had abandoned him because of his chosen lifestyle. He concluded his tragic remarks by saying, “When I was growing up, in my house, ‘I love you s’ were a dime a dozen.” In the same workshop a woman lamented that, when her former husband said, “I love you” it was like a verse from the Bible: “As sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal, signifying nothing.”
If two people truly love one and other everything they do is an affirmation of that love: commitment, loyalty, trust are virtues that translate into acts of affection. In any relationship a loving deed can be as crucial as commitment or as trivial as taking out the garbage. Perhaps Eliza Doolittle said it best when, in the wonderful musical My Fair Lady, she sang:
“Don’t talk of love lasting through time,
Give me no undying vow,
Show me --- now!”
If you want an accurate measure of any relationship it would be prudent to observe what is being done by those involved, rather than what is said. Deeds, not words, are the ultimate proof of love. With that said, there are no perfect panaceas to the weighty issue of love.
Perhaps Cole Porter’s query bears pondering: “Who can solve its mystery?” We are each left on our own to solve its complexities. However, after being married to the same wonderful woman for 59 years I feel qualified to suggest to anyone who aspires to a successful, long-term relationship, it would be wise to brush up on the phrases, “I love you”, “I’m sorry” and, don’t forget to take out the garbage.
John Lee is the former Vice President and Public Relations Chairman of Compassion in Dying of Washington. He has taught courses in Conscious Living in colleges throughout the Pacific Northwest. His Estate Planning Sessions have been sponsored by the Boeing Company, the University of Washington and other business and professional organizations. He is retired and lives in Bellingham, Washington with his wife Camilla. He is now a freelance writer, teacher and lecturer.
LOVE
“What is this thing called love,
This funny thing called love?
Who can solve it’s mystery,
Why should it make a fool of me?”
Cole Porter
Circa. 1940
What, indeed, is this thing called love? It has been described through the ages in countless ways. Plato said, “At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.” Gandhi professed, “Where there is love there is life”. Christ told us to love our neighbor.
We have labeled love as bliss, blind, foolish, funny, painful, poetic, romantic, and remorseful. There is puppy love, love at first sight, love everlasting, love unrequited, (a many splendord thing?), its bad, it’s beautiful, and it’s heaven, its hell. Love makes the world go ‘round, love is the cure for all ills. Amazon.com lists over 32,000 books on the subject of love. Google the word love and you get an impressive 36,000,000 hits.
In 1965 Erich Segal’s best selling novel, “Love Story”, was made into a movie. It has become a classic film romance. A latter-day La Boheme where boy meets girl, boy wins girl, girl dies, boy loses girl. It was an enormous box office success. For millions of teen-age girls (and to the despair of their parents) it immortalized the phrase, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
At the risk of contradicting Mr. Segal and offending that generation of teen-timers I would like to propose the following: love, true love, authentic love, enduring love means never having to say, “I love you.” That is not to say that we need not affirm our love verbally. Everyone likes to be told they are loved. However, real, genuine love is not something we say, it is something we do. Love is not some thing, rather, despite Webster’s Dictionary; it is a verb that demands action. The great philosopher Swedenberg said, “If love does not become deed, it ceases to be love.”
Several years ago, in a workshop, I heard a young man, dying of AIDs, describe how his parents had abandoned him because of his chosen lifestyle. He concluded his tragic remarks by saying, “When I was growing up, in my house, ‘I love you s’ were a dime a dozen.” In the same workshop a woman lamented that, when her former husband said, “I love you” it was like a verse from the Bible: “As sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal, signifying nothing.”
If two people truly love one and other everything they do is an affirmation of that love: commitment, loyalty, trust are virtues that translate into acts of affection. In any relationship a loving deed can be as crucial as commitment or as trivial as taking out the garbage. Perhaps Eliza Doolittle said it best when, in the wonderful musical My Fair Lady, she sang:
“Don’t talk of love lasting through time,
Give me no undying vow,
Show me --- now!”
If you want an accurate measure of any relationship it would be prudent to observe what is being done by those involved, rather than what is said. Deeds, not words, are the ultimate proof of love. With that said, there are no perfect panaceas to the weighty issue of love.
Perhaps Cole Porter’s query bears pondering: “Who can solve its mystery?” We are each left on our own to solve its complexities. However, after being married to the same wonderful woman for 59 years I feel qualified to suggest to anyone who aspires to a successful, long-term relationship, it would be wise to brush up on the phrases, “I love you”, “I’m sorry” and, don’t forget to take out the garbage.
John Lee is the former Vice President and Public Relations Chairman of Compassion in Dying of Washington. He has taught courses in Conscious Living in colleges throughout the Pacific Northwest. His Estate Planning Sessions have been sponsored by the Boeing Company, the University of Washington and other business and professional organizations. He is retired and lives in Bellingham, Washington with his wife Camilla. He is now a freelance writer, teacher and lecturer.
