As a parent we are always quick to defend the actions or perceived actions of our children when accused.
We have all used the phrase “no not my child” or a phrase very similar at one time or another in our lives; it’s only natural to defend them like a lion protects his pride or a lioness her cubs.
It is a fact that the majority of all us parents are unable to step outside of ourselves and look at their child or children objectively. The reasons for this phenomena is we get caught up in a whirlwind of emotion finding it hard to focus on facts that just may be right in front of us if we only know what to look for or are willing to face, the little clues we have swept under the rug causing the stranglehold of denial; those subtle intuitions we chose to ignore perhaps we are too wrapped up in our jobs to notice if our child or children is in trouble. Another reason we choose to deny is that if we do look at the possibility of our child or children doing something wrong after facing facts, then we ultimately have to look at ourselves and ask “where did I go wrong” as a parent . And lets face it how many of us as parents are actually capable of looking at one’s self honestly and objectively. Ego does not like us to admit to one’s self or even to others the exact nature of our wrongs. Ego does not allow us to ask for help if and when needed. If we did than we just might have to change how we perceive and do things; and change can be very difficult for most, as we have become accustomed to our comfort zone whether it be dysfunction or not. There are also those situations where the parents have done “everything right” and it is just a matter of “the bad seed theory” however the bad seed theory is at least as ten page dissertation at best so I will close here.
No parent is exempt from this, there are no perfect parents, no perfect children and most certainly no perfect human being and after all children do not come with an instruction manual.
Happy growing with a new hope for a new day and a new way; with honesty comes growth therefor change is inevitable.
Rev. T. Tucker CBT, LMFT Love Peace & Karma Ministry @ ULC