by Dahni
© 2014, all rights reserved
I am not writing this post to tell anyone what they should or should not do with respect of performing officiant services. My only purposes here are to share how I handle what I refer to as an "honorarium," and to hopefully educate others as to the proper attitude and respect that should be shown to those that perform officiant services.
Probably the most requested service that requires an officiant is, the performance of a wedding ceremony, so I will begin with this. But any other service would equally be the same as to the use of an honorarium.
One of the most requested and most important services and events in many lives is the desire of a man and woman to become "one flesh;" husband and wife; get married. Let me stop right here. I mentioned the words: "one flesh," "man," "woman," "husband," and "wife." These words are all used in the Bible and with the exception of "one flesh" (which is a figure of speech), mean exactly what they say and say exactly what they mean. So if anyone wants to become married by me, this is the ONLY way I will perform the service! No judgment by me and there should be no argument by anyone. If these words do not apply to your specific situation, then please find someone else to conduct your service, OK? :)
"One flesh," as a figure of speech, simply emphasizes that two individuals are willing to merge to become something new and stronger together, than they were as individuals and it carries both the blessing of this union and the responsibility for it. Both the blessing and the responsibility is not just to each other, but to society as a whole. And the officiant and society as a whole, has a responsibility to support this union as well OK? :)
A marriage ceremony is perhaps one of the most important events that the two-to-be-wed couple will have in their lives. It should be conducted and, is not to be entered into lightly, but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly. While many churches and officiants have pre-counseling services required to marry a couple, I do not. If you are not serious about becoming married and are not already mature adults of legal age, and are not willing to make the necessary commitment, just don't ask me to perform your service OK?
A wedding, this important event, has costs associated with it, just like most everything else in life. Weddings traditionally, are often paid for by the father of the bride, not always, just often. These costs could range from the price of the marriage license (I suppose it could only be this one cost) all the way from hundreds, to thousands, tens of thousands and more, in dollars and cents. So how much should you pay an officiant to conduct the service?
Is not the service itself equal to if not worth more than the price of "the dress," formal wear, flowers, rings, reception, the honeymoon and other costs associated with a wedding? Is not the officiant important? Do they not have perhaps travel costs, time and other costs associated with performing this service? Well, how much are they worth? How much is their service worth?
Perhaps, the officiant has spent many years of their lives preparing to be at the place in your life, to be able to perform a wedding service? Maybe they have spent many thousands of dollars in educating themselves to be able to conduct just around a 30 minute service for you. Even if they have performed such services countless times and are so polished and professional at them, it may still take them hours or days, weeks and months, just to prepare for your 30 minute (or so) service. How much is that worth? I do not know and can not say, but IT HAS VALUE!! And so does the importance of the couple staying together for the rest of their lives, after they marry them, have value.
In my mind it is really very simple. God has a vested interest in the officiant that they are blessed and they perform the service correctly, with the right attitude; the right heart and that everyone involved and everyone the couple may touch in life are blessed. All God asks is for a willing heart, commitment and to be honored. How is He honored, by the whole thing for everyone's sake, being done correctly.
The officiant has a vested interest in the couple, that they have the right attitude; heart and commitment and stay together, faithful to each other. God knows, the officiant knows, you know and I all know that no one of us people are perfect. But commitment and faithfulness work towards the same end. If you screw something up, you get up and keep going in the right direction.
The couple has a vested interest in the officiant. They desire and should expect that their service is done correctly and that it blesses everyone it touches.
All the people involved in a service, all those attending and society as a whole has a vested interest. Everyone needs the service to be performed correctly, that everyone gets blessed and that the union sticks, for life (as they should and as it should be).
Most everyone involved in a service should have something invested; some commitment of them is required. To illustrate this, here is a simple little humorous story, I was told many years ago.
A farmer had some animals that were all treated and cared for, very well. To honor the farmer, they all got together to plan something for the farmer that would show their appreciation, respect and love. They decided to make their farmer breakfast. Everyone of the animals decided to participate and made arrangements to make breakfast. The chicken would offer her eggs. The pig had only itself to offer as in ham, sausage or bacon. The chicken was quite boastful and verbal about her contribution to this breakfast. The pig had had enough and spoke,
"Shut up already, all you have to do is make a deposit.
I have to really get involved and make a commitment!" :)
The way I view this subject and the way I handle such a service is as the title of this post, by way of an, 'Honorarium." What is this? According to the dictionary, this word is defined simply as:
"a payment in recognition of acts or professional services
for which custom or propriety forbids a price to be set:"
It is the noun use of the neuter of the Latin word honōrārius, honorary. That's pretty much it. If it is or was an honor to you, to have or to have had an officiant perform your service. You should honor them somehow in cash, check, barter, service or something equal to what you believe their service to you is or was worth. How much is that?
Sometimes we leave a wait person a one cent tip, to indicate that their service to you was not worth anything more. So I suppose, if I did such a poor job of performing a wedding service for you, then just present me with one cent. It would not take me long to realize that I would either need to change or I would not have to because, it would not take too long for the word to get out that I did such a lousy job and no one would ever ask me again, to perform this service! But say, "it aint so [it is not true]." Let's say the officiant or I did a 'good job.' How much then, is it worth? I still do not know and cannot say, but the following gives some idea.
Not just those of Judaism or in Christianity, are familiar with the word "tithe." Many religions throughout the world use not just the word, but what it means in practice. I can only here, present the tithe from a biblical perspective.
A tithe simply means 10%. If you had a hundred dollars, ten percent of that is $10.00. In the Old Testament of the Bible, there were (most of the time) 12 tribes of Israel. One of those 12 tribes was the House or family of Levi. God ordained that out of the House of Levi, they were to be the priests or the spiritual ministers and attendants, assistants and etc., to the rest of the tribes. The High Priest was to come out of the family of Aaron, but Aaron was also, of the House of Levi.
The Levites and Aaronites (High Priests) had requirements and responsibilities, before God and to the people. One of these requirements was that they were not allowed to own property (buy or sell). Their physical needs were to be met by the rest of the other 11 tribes so that they were free without distraction, to attend to the spiritual needs of the people. The tithe was used to take care of them, the temple (tabernacle or church) and they in turn would take care of the spiritual needs of the people. It was a good and mutual arrangement.
Some modern day ministers and officiants might use the honorarium like a tithe, to not only compensate them for the services they render, but also, as a means to help support their church or ministry. But I do not have a church, nor am I part of a church and I am not planning on starting one or a not-for-profit organization. But the honorarium would still apply, for whatever services I offer or may offer in the future.
So what am I saying here actually? If a wedding from start to finish costs $5,000.00 and a tithe (10%) of that is $500.00 then that is what the honorarium should be? I did not say that. If you thought this or said it, you did, not me. Remember that I wrote previously that some have the honorarium include the service they actually render and for the support of the organization or church they represent. I do not have a church or represent an organization. So what should I receive for my services? Using the same total amount for the wedding at $5,000,00 and 10% of this would be $500.00, should I then receive 10% of that or $50.00? If you thought or said this, you did, not me.
The root word of "honorarium" is "honor." All (including myself) that perform such a service should have the attitude that it is an "honor" to do so. And all that receive such a service should have the attitude of honoring those that perform them.
An honorarium could be 10% of the whole cost of a wedding and it could be more and it could be less. The first point is that you at least have some idea of where to start. The last point is that is entirely up to the individual(s) to determine the value of this service. For me, if my service is worth nothing to you, then my service is really without value. If you have nothing to little, to place in an blank envelope for me at the end of a service, whatever is in it, is whatever is in it. It could be something you would barter for, in exchange for the service. If this is what it is to be, please write on a blank piece of paper that will be sealed inside the blank envelope, something like: 'Redeemable, for one chicken (or etc.). Please do not try and put a chicken into the envelope! :)
"Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honour, especially they who labour in the word and doctrine. For the scripture saith [says], thou shalt [shall] not muzzle the ox that treadeth [treads] out the corn. And, The labourer [laborer] is worthy of his reward [wages, due, payment, honorarium etc.]."
The Bible, I Timothy 5:17, 18, King James Version
This is pretty simple to understand. So if anyone does a good job in performing a service for you, it has value; it's worth something. Just like anyone, a minister or officiant live in this world and have bills to pay. Ministers of organized churches are usually paid a salary, for their services, from the tithes and offerings from the members of their church. For myself, I am independent. I do not work for a church, an organization or anyone. So my honorarium is solely based on the individual's willingness and ability. After the service has been rendered and if it is not to your satisfaction, the service has no value and the honorarium would also be, valueless. On the other hand, if it is of value to you, then it is wholly and solely up to those responsible, to determine what it is worth and what you can afford to honor with, in the honorarium. This is the cost of my honorarium. For other officiants, consult with them, but just remember, the service they perform for others is, most likely, at least worth 10% of the total cost of a wedding service (at a minimum) and quite possibly more.
In conclusion, there is just one last thing I want to address here and that is attitude, the right attitude. When it comes to the honorarium, it should be based upon the intended heart, as written in the Bible.
"Every man according as he purposeth [purposes, intends, freely chooses] in his [or her] heart [innermost being], so let him [or her] give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth [loves] a cheerful giver."
The Bible, II Corinthians 9:7, King James Version
If you feel compelled or forced to give an honorarium without your choice, ability or desire to pay and the service provided to you was not to your satisfaction, I would not personally expect you to give me anything! I meant the word you just read, "gift" because, that is what it is to me, a gift. Either way, I would still expect this gift, this honorarium, enclosed in a blank sealed envelope, at the end of your service, with just something as simple as, "Your service sucked," or "Thank You!" If my service sucks, your gift to me is to let me know. If all you can afford or choose to offer is, "Thank You," that gift is more than sufficient.
My honorarium could in part be mostly, for some charitable organization and some, for my expenses. I also reserve the right to freely choose to not accept either your request to perform a service and if I do, to freely choose NOT to accept any monetary amount in the honorarium. If this is the case, it is my gift to you. Please do not ask if I will do it for free. We need to discuss your situation and each situation is different and unique, just like all people are.
But for all other officiants, they are all performing a needful and important service.
"Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear [reverence, respect] to whom fear [reverence, respect]; honour [honor] to whom honour [honor].
The Bible, Romans 13:7, King James Version
Peace,
Dahni
it really opened my eyes to a lot of things.