Sticks and stones.

• Posted by Abraham Bernstein March 1, 2010 - 902 views

  Ok so here i sit after tellin a freind of mine that I've been ordaned, and he laughed at me. I love him like a brother, but I want to punch him. I know that I'm ordaned and enlightend, so I want to punch him with ritious indignation. But I won't I just need to vent a little so here it goes, please keep your hands inside the ride at all times, and don't feed the ostrich ans fruit as it gives them the trotskis. Thank you.
  

  I know as do the rest of you that we are only attacked by the dark one whene we are doing the right thing. So I will not be angered by my freind and understand that right now he is just a tool. Wait that didn't come out right, well maybe it did but, oh you know what I mean.
  

  Any way this is a blog, so I will blog alittle about who I am and my BS!( beleife system)
  

  Well, I was raised as a hard liner christian. Do you remember in the mid 70s there was a bunch of christians in hollywood that walked around in black robes with a coffin that a 2yr old was sitting in and they gave out trax? ( trax are a tiny little cristian comic that is skary as hell and desighend to send a parson running to a church in fear.) I was that kid. My mom and step dad( the head minister for the Skid row mission of the Salvation Army) were very closed minded christians that thought that if you didn't go to there church that you could not ever possibly be hereing the bible right so your soul was in dire posibility of being duped to the DARK SIDE!!!
  

  Well they went on like that for years. I had 3 step sisters so I made an off hand comment about how much I would love to have a little brother, thinlking that A having a brother would mean that a little more testosterone in the house (I really hated sharing a bathroom with 3 sisters) B Abrother is someone that has to be your freind. No more kids saying that they can't come over becouse they are jewish and my family are phsycopaths. Well little did I know that my familly dose not do anything half heartedly. Long storry short, I'm now the oldest of 12 and we had 28 or 38 ( I cannever remenber.) Foster kids.

  When I turned 13, I found out that I was part Blackfoot Native American on my fathers side. I think that it was around this time that I realised that the Native Americans have a differant religion from Christianity. So this is my first epifany, all of my familly that was indian wased sentenced by my "loving God" to an eternity of hell becouse they didn't say the magic words. I was distraught to say the least, here I was a junior youth pastor and I had this vision of all these members of my family in hell asking why. I'm sure that you would also find this to be a bit unnerving. So I went to the clergy at my church and tryed to talk to them. I could not get a straight answer from these people that I respected, and like any one in this situation, I got up sunday and went to church. This guy stands up in the middle of our heavy metal version of how great thou is( no kidding true storry) and started clucking like a chicken and flapping his arm so fast, I wanted to scream cleared for tackoff runway one sevin niner tower out! But who would have heard what with all the clucking. Then as sudden as it started he stoped and sat down. A second later another dude stands up on the other side of the church and says( and I am quoting here!), "What the lord ment to say was.....( pause to build the dramatic tension, his not mine btw.).....Well that was all I could stand, I stood up and sayed "SCREW THIS CRAP!" You have the gaul to say what the lord ment to say? Are you that stupid to belive that the creator of all tha is and was and what will be needs your ignorance involved with what he has to tell us? I went on to berait the ma for a few more minutes. Then I sayed that I can not stomach the thought of being in this house of spiritual whores anymore. So I left and walked home.

  When everyone came home noone would talk to me for days. It trully was one of the most peicefull moments in my life, that was soon to change.

  I woke up that saterday morning to a feeling of flying. It took me a minute to realise that was becouse I was being cairied to the living room by a bunchof people in .......black........robes? What the? ( VERY importent side not here, I'm kind of a naturalist when it comes to my sleeping, yes in the buff. Now all you guys know what happens to a thirteen year old boy when he wakes up. He has to pee. And he has to waight or he will pee up his nose. Yes I'm talking about the "morning kickstand")

  So where was I.... Oh thats right I was on the living room floor naked with a.... One wood?  O yeh, lets not forget the blacked robed figures that apear to be preforming an exorcism on me. I can remember being held down and thinking if I pee right here how much more trouble could I be in? ( I t was a really important question to me at that time.) I then realised that this was the people I went to church with. Men and WOMEN!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! I GOTA PEE, I GOTA PEE, I'M GOING PEE, I'M GOING PEE!!!! Well you know, I have hade beter days at this point. ( The understatement of the year award goes to.....) Well I don't know if they just didn't know what they were doing, or what, becouse they never got the evil demond out of me. Ten or eleven hours of that is real tiring you know so they just sayed good by, and went home. I asked if I could have one of the robes, seeing as I was considered as a saitanist now for daring to speak the truth in the church.

  So I have alot of reasons that I can't say that I'm a "Christian" per say, but after all this time I realise that not all Christians are a bunch of wakadoos. So I still beleive in some of the bible, just not the same as most.

  This ends my rant for tonight, tomorow we will here about a homeless thirteen year old. Sorry my no spell so good. ( sux dislexia)

   

  P.S. I hope in my heat that noone is ofended by this here, I just need to get this crap off of my chest, it feeles really good to just wright it down.

  Pease and love

  Rev. Abraham Bernstein