My best friend's wife recently passed away. He came to me and asked me if I would lead a memorial service for her. I'm not a church minister... I'm a boat driver, a ship's captain. But as a ship's captain, I'm expected to be at the helm and know what to do during periods of rough water.
My friend was in the Navy. He and his wife had traveled the Great Lakes in their boats for many years. Following is the service that I wrote for her as a mariner. Others are welcome to use this as an example if they are ever asked to lead a memorial service for a mariner. Names, dates and places have been removed. Fill in the blanks and change the words to make it fit the memorial service you've been asked to lead.
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Invocation
Hello and welcome. We’ve come here today to celebrate the life of and mourn the death of _________.
There is no church Minister here today... it's only me… (tell who you are and a little about why you were asked to lead the service)
…and though I know that most of you will be more familiar with a different form of service... I hope we can agree that the human values we all share... are of far more lasting importance than those matters which may divide us in this respect.
As you might appreciate this is going to be quite difficult so I hope you will forgive... and bear with me... should I happen to falter a little along the way... It's a real honor and privilege for me to be here today in front of you all... and I would like to personally thank _____, _____ and _____ for their encouragement and support in allowing me to perform this last task for _____ and her family and all her friends who are here today.
Her passing was a blow to everyone who knew her and her absence will be felt for a long time to come.
What I’d like to talk about now is not only what you’ve lost in _____’s passing, but also about what you’ve gained by having had the honor of knowing _____.
You know what it’s like when someone’s dies. When it’s someone you love, the grief can be overwhelming at times.
The feelings of loss may seem like a dark fog bank has descended upon you, obscuring your vision and your ability to see the light at the end of the tunnel; it can be like something has sucked all the breathable air out of your immediate space. I don’t have to tell you this.
While it’s true that time will heal most wounds, it doesn’t heal ALL wounds.
Sometimes, the only way to heal from loss is to gather with friends and loved ones and share your feelings. Share your grief and share your joy. Talk about the fun times and talk about the bad.
_____ had a lot of fine qualities that made her a one-of-a-kind, unique and memorable individual and she also likely possessed some personality traits that probably rubbed you the wrong way from time to time.
That’s okay; that’s the nature of people. We’re perfect as beings, only flawed in the matter of daily life. It’s okay to recognize those things. As we gather here today, we want to acknowledge all of these things – the good and the bad, and accept them in _____, as well as in ourselves.
Now is the time for forgiveness. Release the breath of tension you’ve been holding when you think of her passing and allow yourself to breathe freely again.
Prayer
Death, while painful and uncomfortable, is a necessary part of life. Without it, there can be no re-birth, no evolution, and no change. As the Bible says, there is a time to be born and a time to die.
While the departed are no longer here with us in the physical form, they are still very much with us in our memories and in our prayers.
And, while we say prayers for them, I believe they are in turn are saying prayers for us. Prayer is a two-way communication.
Prayer is not, as some of you may have been taught, a monologue or recitation, it doesn’t need to be complex or steeped in ritual; it can be as simple as a conversation with God… or with _____, and can be a tremendous comfort and healing.
_____ told me that _____ believed in angles. If there is are or not I’m not sure. My late wife Barbara was one of ____’s best friends. She too believed in angles and always told me that she was going to come back as my angel. I always shrugged it off saying to myself “yeah right”. But right after her memorial things happened that I could never find an explanation for. Now I’m not sure. I guess we’ll all find out someday.
So, if by chance there really are angles, _____ just might be here with us today. If so, why don’t we close our eyes for a moment and imagine she is and say hello to _____ in prayer, let’s each allow ourselves to heal from grief and loneliness and allow the space for God’s love to bring you peace.
Hello _____,
We have come here today to bid you farewell and safe journey.
May the light of your spirit brighten the heavens,
And may you always feel the love of God to the very core of your being.
Amen
_____ has left her physical body to be welcomed into the light of God’s love. She does, however, remain with us in the hearts, through the memories, and in the feelings of love of the people gathered here today.
A Life Well-Led
Today we have gathered as family and friends to celebrate the life of _____. _____’s passing is leaving a huge void in our lives, but you can be grateful for the multitude of gifts that she shared with all of you unconditionally. Lessons on how to live a good life, as can be witnessed by her husband _____, will forever be a part of who you are. Draw from her inspiration and optimism and use that strength for the reminder of your lives.
When we are faced with death it reminds us of the fragilities of life. We are faced with our own physical mortality and the mortality of our loved ones. One of the gifts we receive from this experience is a reminder to use the time we have been given to do those things that we were put here to do - to express our talents and more importantly, to express our love for one another.
We are here to release what was and make room for what shall be; as we know within our hearts and minds that life does not end but merely transforms. Today we say goodbye to _____, and yet in another way we also say hello. We say goodbye to the physical focus of our relationship with _____ and we greet the relationship with her soul that now begins anew.
We are here to remember what _____ taught each person here and how she touched your life. It is a time to celebrate the gift of her life. This is a time for us to accept what has happened, and to express our feelings of grief and loss, because although we know that her spirit still lives, her physical presence will be missed.
We will miss the very human experience of our connection with _____, our shared stories and our histories. Yet we also open our hearts today, that our relationships with _____ might be reborn through the grace of God.
_____ made a difference. She touched your hearts and she shall live as an angel on your shoulders. She will watch over you and protect you and send to you all manner of good. May your heart and eyes remain open!
Most importantly, we are here to release _____ on her continuing journey in life and into the eternal care of God's everlasting Love. We know that the body is merely the temple of the soul. We affirm that _____ now lives on; she has simply taken on another form and is continuing her journey in another dimension, another plane of existence.
Vital statistics
_____ was born on _____ __st, 19__ to _____ and _____ _____ in _____, PA.
Her given name was _____ _____ _____.
She married _____ _. _____ Jr on ________ _th, 19__.
She gave birth to two daughters, _____ and _____.
She had two grandchildren, _____ and _____.
_____ passed away at the age of __ years old on _______ __th, 20__ from _______.
Eulogy
There was much more to _____ though than just vital statistics. _____ was a wife, a mother, a grandmother and a friend. _____ loved to read and she loved to travel. I have listened to _____ for hours sharing with me the places they’ve traveled to and the adventures they’ve enjoyed together. They’ve traveled all over Mexico and took numerous cruises together. One of the places she loved was the Big Bend National Park area in Far West Texas. It was there that she wanted to go for her last trip this past winter before she passed away.
_____ was also a mariner. That’s why I’m here honoring _____ today dressed in my captain’s uniform. Again I have listened to _____ for hours sharing with me of the vacations and adventures they enjoyed together while cruising Lake Michigan on their 24 foot Bayliner and their 35 foot Chris-Craft Roamer the Shangri-La.
It’s the mariner side of _____ that we will conclude this ceremony after we’ve heard from some of her family and friends.
Testimonial
There are many different ways _____ can and will be remembered. You can remember her with pictures, with videos, (if you have them), with letters and with diaries. Those are the more concrete ways.
There are other ways as well. The most common of those other ways is what we are going to do now – share stories about _____’s life here with us.
Some of you may get a little scared or uncomfortable at the idea of telling people stories about someone who is no longer here to tell her side.
When you hear and tell these stories now and in the future, I’m sure you will find a smile when you think about _____’s life here with us. There also may be other times, quite unbidden, when _____ comes to mind.
As you go through your memories right now, thinking of ways your and _____’s lives intersected, I’d like to talk about some other ways we will remember _____.
When you look into the sky and sense the beauty of the world, you’ll think of her. When you have a victory that you’re longing to share, you’ll think of her.
When you are feeling alone and need a friend, you’ll think of her. When you are tired and you don’t think you can go on, you’ll think of her.
For as long as you live, you’ll think of her because she is a part of you, when you think of her. With that in mind, we will first hear from _____.
Last Watch
It is told in the Bible that once the Lord was in the fishermen's boat and a great storm came upon them, and the fishermen feared they would drown. The Lord said to them, have faith in Me. And thus it was they had the faith to survive. This same situation was and is repeated each day at sea.
No person has ever served at sea without knowing that each day could be their last and no one would even know where at sea they lay. No person served a day at sea without the knowledge that the ship they sailed might not survive to sail another day. But no person at sea let these fears overcome them. They knew their shipmates were beside them to help stand the watch, to plot the course, and to be the family and support we all need to meet and survive another day. They were their shipmates.
As each day ended, those at sea counted their blessings of a day well done, and to mark the end of their watch, they would toll the bell, the eternal mark of the passing of time at sea.
Today we honor our Shipmate _____ _____ as we toll the ship’s bell from the Shangri-La to mark the end of her final watch.
Well done _____, well done. It was a great voyage, and you served your watch. You have completed your final watch, now rest in peace.
Tolling of the Ship’s Bell
The ship’s bell from the Shangri-La will now be rung eight times (meaning, “end of watch”) and as you hear the bell, you may pass by _____’s urn as a gesture of "letting go," which ends the ceremony.
