Yup another blog to be cast into the winds of public record. I think my purpose for writing this is two-fold: 1) A cathartic excercise so that I can better understand myself and my perceptions of the world around me and how I interact with that world. 2) So that others may see the stuggles and experiences I have had, so that they may possibly avoid some of my misteps in their own path.
Blog entry 1: My brother, Steve.
My brother wasn't handsome. He had multiple health issues, the worst of which was an undiagnosed stroke several years ago. He was 50 years old when he died, last year on 4/20/2014. He died by his own hand sending a bullet into his brain. He and I lived a normal life growing up, and we were very close through much of our lives. In the latter stages of his life, we had grown apart. He was not very good at relationships, and had the very worst "luck" of anyone I know at attracting relationship partners. He never married, never had any children, and had very very few girlfriends or even dates. I often invited him to be part of my family (I never had any of the challenges I mentioned regarding him, in my own life, and managed to create a wonderful family, a significant other of 14 years and 2 talented and fun boys as offspring. He would rarely accept my invitations, I think that was mostly out of resentment. Seeing his brother's family was a stark and constant reminder of his own "failures" to obtain that which so many of us take for granted. I reached out to my brother on many occassions but he politely declined almost all of them, citing "other plans" and "I have to work". Looking back now, after his suicide, I have come to many realizations about my failures in our relationship as well as his own.
I'll elaborate on the challenges that he faced and succumbed to later on in this blog, as well as how his life and final decision changed many lives of those who have survived him. His death brought me to the ULC by way of an intention borne of his tradgedy to follow a more spiritual path and to obtain more information and understanding...
