Being courageous is not about having a blind disregard for danger, which is a trait Aristotle often mentions when speaking of the Celts. (That one always kind of ticked me off) Being courageous is “standing-strong-in-the-face-of-adversity, alone or with companions. Sometimes Courage is getting up and going about a daily routine when pain has worn one down without complaint or demur."—Daven I find that to be a much better description, at least in relation to myself. I receive comments almost daily on how courageous I am for the facing the things I have….the cancer, the heart attack, etc... , and I appreciate those, I do. However, those are not the times I feel I have been courageous.
What IS courageous, however (and this is some self-appreciation here) is getting up each day and making the conscious choice to NOT give in to the darkness that hounds me and to NOT use in an effort to be rid of it. By now most of us have heard the news of the actor/comedian, Robin Williams, committing suicide. The man took a rope and hung himself. (Talk about maladaptive behavior…Maladaptive behavior is a type of behavior that is often used to reduce one's anxiety, but the result is dysfunctional and non-productive.) I mention Robin Williams, not because I enjoyed his work, but because his death, and form of, opens many doors in discussion regarding depression and addiction. Those two pretty much go hand-n-hand, forming a very twisted dance for many of us.
For me, depression began at a very early age. When I sit back and review my life in detail, I see the signs of the onset beginning approximately when my parents split up…at about age 8. Not very long after, I began my addictions. I started drinking at a very young age, then slowly moving into much harder drugs. That was my maladaptive way of coping with the depression. It continued throughout the rest of my teens, and into my twenties. I stopped using January 8th, 1989, yet I found other “maladaptive” ways to handle my depression. But I never took that final step…what I refer to as the coward’s way out. (If I offend you, too bad. I personally find suicide to be the ultimate act of self-absorption. )
Depression is a never ending companion of mine. Over the years I have learned healthier ways of dealing with it as it comes around. I can ‘feel” the onset, truly. It is a physical process when it hits, like a very heavy blanket covering my body. I then retreat….go into my own little space, seek solitude, and work myself thru it. I face it head on. I have had many over the years tell me that I should not do that, that I need to get out amongst people, “it’s not healthy to be alone in that state”, etc. Bullshit. At least for me. What would be unhealthy is to force myself out into the world and put on a false front…to do that would require me to numb myself to what I am feeling, and that would require the use of something chemical, be it alcohol or whatever, and then the addiction / depression dance begins again.
My point to all of this is that when you know someone is dealing with depression, the best way to help is not only to talk to them, but to listen. Listen to what they have to say about how they feel and how they handle this. Sometimes just knowing there is someone out there willing to listen, whether that is ever utilized or not, just knowing it is available is enough to get one through. Everyone is different; there are no cookie-cutter answers on how to deal with this condition.
Just like the quote by Daven at the beginning of this blog, St Thomas Aquinas states that those with courage will also have a considerable degree of endurance. For one must be able to “stand immovable in the midst of dangers,” especially those dangers that threaten bodily harm and death (ST IIaIIae 123.6). I know some find it ironic that I tend to like much of what Aquinas has to say, but I do. Endurance…that is my act of courageousness.
