One of the most difficult aspects of choosing a non-Christian, aka – Pagan – lifestyle can and most often is the reaction of one’s family. Reactions from the family can range from mild amusement and disbelief leading, normally, to acceptance in some form, to anger, cruelty, ostracism from family, and in very rare cases, even violence. This makes it very difficult for the practitioner to continue in their work and sometimes, even force them to turn back to the religions their family believes in, in order to placate them. In the case of a solitary practitioner, this often doubles with a sense of being alone; which can make a person seriously start to reconsider whether or not they wish to continue in the craft altogether.
When an individual realizes their life’s path, it is most important to ask themselves if it is truly the path and life you want. Knowing what may be involved. When living in a family that is already accepting of non-Catholic or Christian religions, it makes it easier for a person to branch out, explore their life and environment, and learn about other religions and cultures. However, when the family’s views are centered around the “one and only God” it can make it incredibly difficult indeed.
First off, you must never frown upon or look down on family simply because they are monotheists. No matter how they may treat you in this issue, it is important to be open-minded, fair and attempt to talk the issue out politely. This does not, however, always succeed as there are many who are very fierce in their religious beliefs. When dealing with family, it is doubly important that you listen politely to their views even if they will not listen to yours. This shows that you respect them despite differences. If things get heated, it’s best to get up and walk away for a short period of time to let things cool. They may take this as a sign of submission or may even become aggressive. You must tell them, again politely, that you are going to go until you, and they, can talk reasonably.
Not only must you study of your own beliefs, but get to know theirs as well. I know this may mean attending the occasional church meeting where others may frown on you for wearing your pentacle, but the goal here is understanding which is the only way acceptance is going to come. Then, invite them to meetings of your circle or, for solitaries, offer to allow them to witness a simple ceremony to show the peaceful intent of your beliefs. Perhaps offering them material that they can read at their leisure to learn more about your religion.
For all your efforts, there are always going to be those that demand that they are right, you are wrong, and that is the end of the story. Unfortunately, there is very little you can do to change these individuals’ minds. Instead of trying to talk too much to them or trying to get them to listen to you, because trust me it’s not going to happen, all you can do is just allow them their thoughts. In this case, it’s best not to broach the subject at all around them. When they try to talk religion to you, change the subject or simply walk away. I know this sounds rather harsh, but it is the best way to avoid what could be an emotionally painful confrontation. In the case of young nieces, nephews, cousins or other very young relations, simply be honest with them. Of all things, do not under any circumstance lie to them or tell them that their parents, siblings, etc. are wrong, bad or foolish. This will only cause harder feelings between you and your misunderstanding family. If the youngster is old enough, and you are sufficiently educated in the arts to explain clearly, show them some of your materials if they ask, remembering that as they are quite young, much of it they may not understand at all despite careful explaination. All you can do is be patient and bide your time until they are old enough to understand more of what you have to say.
Being a pagan in a misunderstanding family is a very difficult thing to do even during the best of times. Holidays, sometimes, are the worst. But instead of feeling trapped, alone or isolated, try to enjoy just being with your family during these special times. Remember, you did this with your family when you were quite young and nothing has changed now except the religion you practice. My advice, coming from a misunderstanding family myself, is just take your time. In time, your family will come around to accept you no matter what. And even if it does not seem like it, remember there are hundreds of thousands of individuals just like you with similar families. So, when it comes right down to it, you are not alone. Things will get better in the end.
