The last several months have been a bit of a challenge for me. I haven’t felt well.
After the new year I started to experience headaches that as time went on, became both more frequent and painful. And in my typical method of operation, I tried to ignore them for as long as I could. But when even the basic functionality of day-to-day life became increasingly difficult, I finally gave in.
My doctor suggested an MRI because of the frequency of the headaches, and also because my father died at nearly my identical age from a brain tumor.
This realization left me feeling very anxious and scared. I started to wonder if perhaps my time was limited. Which opened up an entire new set of worries and concerns. I had just purchased a new home. My business was going well. Spring was coming and my hands would soon be back in God’s green earth.
I didn’t have time to be sick. And I certainly wasn’t ready to check out.
But then something odd happened. About a week before my MRI, I suddenly felt a very strong sense of peace. I can’t explain it, but I knew the results were going to come back negative. I was still experiencing the headaches, but I knew I didn’t have a brain tumor.
I just knew it.
And when the MRI test results came back negative, I was certainly relieved, but my overarching response was experiencing a deeper connection with God.
And this is huge for me. I am a renowned worry-wart. My natural inclination is to be “Worst-case-scenario” Alan. Just ask any of my family, friends or co-workers. They’ll be glad to clue you in.
I normally always tend to think the worst, and nine times out of 10, pleasantly find out otherwise.
But this time was different. I felt for sure, almost with complete certainty that my results would be negative.
And I also knew with certainty it was because of God. I had been praying diligently for God’s help and inspiration.
I prayed for Him to move me.
And when the results came back in my favor, I didn’t want to just brush aside the interior peace I received the week leading up to the MRI. For me, that in itself was greater and even more amazing than the negative test results.
I spent weeks leading up to the MRI worrying about what-ifs. I expended a great deal of time researching the Internet at places like WebMD, which only exasperated my concerns by making me think I had 20 other additional illnesses.
Remember, “Worst-case-scenario” Alan.
But it’s only when I consistently started to give my concerns and worries over to God that I found out the truth, before the truth was even revealed to me by my doctor.
And so I’m learning.
God wants no competition in my heart. No created person, thing or Internet page can compare with Him. He gives us these things to help us, but at the core, it’s God Who provides us with all of the answers, if we only seek Him. Our desire to seek God and to love Him is His own gift to us.
Only God’s Love can move us in this way.
Because when you love God with all your heart, you will no longer hold anything back. You will make no reservations. You will learn to go to Him first, above all else.
And when you have learned to love and trust God to this degree, you will experience Him more deeply with each new level of trust that He brings you into. It’s then you will know a peace and joy beyond all explanation.
Learn to listen for God’s voice. His inspirations. His wisdom.
Let Him move you.
Alan Scott is a writer and graphic designer residing in Virginia. A former Agnostic, he converted to the Catholic faith in 2004. In 2014 he started his blog GrowInVirtue.com, and is the author of The Quest for Virtue, both which focus on growing in holiness, by attempting to live a life more simple and virtuous, a life that is lived for God. When he’s not writing or designing, you’ll find him, hands dirty, in his garden. You can find him on Facebook, too.