Faith and spiritual life is an internal process. For whatever reason we begin to develop more awareness of ourselves and our environments and we tend to change or not accordingly. Internal dynamics are the causes and effects of emotions that rise and fall within us as we go about our daily life. Cognitive behavior plays a significant part within these processes, and whole entire therapy programs have been centered around cognitive change.
The way I see it is that life is supposed to be enjoyed. We are supposed to have fun about life and find our processes and places in life and feel a sense of purpose about it. When we don't do this it shows that something is wrong and needs to change. Magic is useful in this way because magic is about just that, change, both intrenally and externally.
I have been tracking my moods with a journal program for five years now and the scale is from positive to negative emotions of a range of about six different emotions including Neutral in the middle, awesome on the high end, and awful on the low end. Most of my feelings over five years ranged from neutral to awesome, so overall I have found out after recent reviews that I am mostly a happy person. There are those moments that tend to creep up on me where I just feel out of whack or where I feel burned out, but they have been very minimal the past five years.
Mood tracking is one trick to find out where you're at on the happy scale if you wonder about this like I did. Another way to figure out your personality type is to take a myers briggs personality test that will classify you as either Introvert or Extrovert. I scored as a logician introvert.
This can help you further gauge problems and analyze solutions to how to deal with social settings and situations.
Astrology is another way to figure out personality types. It's definitely not as clandestine as a science as myers briggs but definitely works... You may notice some accuricies, like if your a water element like I am with your sun sign, you may not work well with the fire element people who may feel like your somehow always a wet blanket on social situations.
Our environment is important as to how we interract with people and how we present ourselves too does have significant impact on others around us and can generate positive or awkward emotions. IF you don't wear underwear, for example, that is going to cause awkwardness for you and especially for someone else if they find out. But even if it's privately the case, it will still be awkward for you.
I define Magic within two different categories. There is white magick, which is the spectrum of spirituality, not so focused on altruism or benevolence, but purity and sincerity are big factors within white magick. Black magick is everything else.. Other terms used have been High and Low magic, high magic being ritual chamber magic and low magic being manipulative magic, but even within that spectrum I find that the definition I use and have found from the Golden Dawn works out well in comparison.
Magic can be used to heighten our awareness to new levels to analyze internal cognition. Meditation is a skill in magic, and fosters a consistency of this awareness over long periods of time. Sometimes we are still not available for all our senses to work properly under even meditative conditions, and this I feel very largely is where pharmakia plays a role spiritually with us.
Another way to analyze our internal dynamics is through emotional intellect. Human Relationships can be advanced, and there are advanced media portrayals out there of certain situations that terms have come from somewhat. For instance, the Truman show has portrayed a process that is related to Schizophrenia. Is someone who watches the Truman show intellectually aware enough on emotional levels to relate to the movie the Truman Show? Is someone able to watch Crime and Punishment or read the classic literature and understand the conditions and elements of society going on at the time, or read advanced literature like Orson Wells, and know what people are talking about on instinctive levels?
As a Teenager I was always attracted to Shakespeare and Edgar Allen Poe, Often times I did not understand really what I was getting into but I did on certain levels. I loved Shakespeare's hamlet that portrayed the main character as fibbing about insanity and deceiving those around him to figure out who is enemies were. I was attracted to the spooky elements of Poe's quothe the raven, never more, feeling resemblances to the story of Cain and Abel in many ways.
But I was only grasping bits and pieces and the overall purpose and advanced processes of these authors did not strike me until much later. When I use the word Evoke, I apply it to myself. What pictures Evoke things in me? The classic painting of a Starry Night, what does that symbolize to me? People always claim to notice Vincent Vangough and Leonardo Da Vinci, but I think often times they are clueless as to the real impact of these individuals and just go to them because its popular to do so.
When I get into this mode I return to classic sources of literature and music, and feel some of these, even under christian tenure of things, are more Satanic in a lot of ways than modern elements of media. I love Mahler and Puccini, and classic novels because they emotionally are congruent and portray definite elements of a certain class of development.
It's a sign of emotional intellect, and is a positive aspect that brings me almost a euphoria about life.
Some words that may resonate within you about certain emotional events and surroundings may strike a vibe to start analysing this process.
Quaint...
Surreal...
Ambivolence...
Benevolent...
Pious...
Magnificence...
Hostile...
Endeavor...
Agitated...
Perplexed...
Magnitude..
Cerebral...
Write out your definitions to thse words and see what other words you can come up with to define experiences and emotions. It is by far not the complete difinitive list, however they are meant to be more advanced than the average emotions that people usually scale on on an average basis.
If you are unaware of these definitions or feel upset that you might not be smart enough, don't be distraught. Often times a good dictionary will help solve the problem. A classic dictionary and theasaurus is a definite significant tool that I feel should be a standard in every witch's library.
Agrippa in the four books of occult philosophy states that one must study natural philosophy and theology in order to even begin to comprehend magic, and in someways I can agree. Though where there is a will there is always a way, and exceptions to the rule always exist.
Take some basic steps and start tracking your moods over a period of time... Be honest about how your feeling, and if you draw a blank, put neutral. This will take time, so don't be frustrated about it if you feel burned out or overwhelmed. Take a breath, and start again and keep going.
And Remember, Never, Ever Give up.