By: Pastor David May
02/13/2022
Put your mind in Gear, before mouth in Motion.
You need to engage your brain before you open your mouth as the saying goes.
Proverbs 15:28 The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.
It is likely where this wise proverb came from. When you think before you act you will find a right words to say rather than just giving an off the cuff answer, you can give wisdom from God or evil things that come from your mouths.
Proverbs 29:11 Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.
When you are Angry
You say bad things out of anger, especially stuff that you don’t mean and you’re saying it simply because you’re feeling rash - you inflict grievous injuries on your relationships with others.
What you say is truly functions as a “sword” in its ability to cut through to the innermost depths of a person’s heart and soul.
When it came out of your mouth, it became a sharp, “two-edged” sword. One edge of this sword came into existence when the hurtful word initially proceeded out of your mouth. The second edge of this sword was added when the Word of God proceeded out of YOUR mouth! it depends on what size of the sword you use to slice through.
It’s ok to be angry it’s a normal human emotion but we can hurt others by projecting our anger onto them and hurting them in many ways including saying hurtful things. Sometimes we can choose not to say nasty things because we might, regret them but sometimes the words just come out before we can stop them. I have done this, and I'm sure you have too.
What happens when you criticize someone out of anger?
Criticism is a way of being hurtful and may cause permanent damage to the relationship. You don’t get to do this and then play the “I was only being truthful” card. When you say it out of anger the truth is you are angry. Things said out of anger are meant to hurt.
1 Peter 1:13-16
13 So prepare your minds for action. Control yourselves. Put your hope completely in the grace that will be given to you when Jesus Christ returns.
14 You should obey. You shouldn’t give in to evil longings. They controlled your life when you didn’t know any better. 15 The one who chose you is holy. So, you should be holy in all that you do.16 It is written, “Be holy, because I am holy.”
I used to have the same problem for a long time. And indeed, I hurt so many people while I was angry. I did realize words can leave scars even if we didn't mean them. Here's what I did to solve this problem to some extent.
One: Apologies are hard to do, but it’s important.
If you said something in anger, apologize for it. This will show that you are a person of integrity & love.
If someone else said something in anger to you, here are four things to consider:
Two: Remember that nobody’s perfect.
they could be having a bad day. Or be feeling tired or sick or something else. Or be afraid.
(Fear is often why someone is angry.)
Three: Building a story from these words is a bad idea.
“You always…” “You never…” “You’re such a…” When you turn what happened into a story about who she/he is or how he/she behaves, you make things worse for both of you.
Four: Saying something hurtful back makes things worse.
Though the temptation to do this is strong, every time you don’t, you become a stronger person. Try saying, “I can see you’re very upset by this.”ask (What can we do to work through this together?)
Five: Responding with facts doesn’t work.
Facts never overcome anybody’s anger. They just intensify their next negative response.
1. Be Empathetic
Speaking your mind is useless if you're just tearing someone down. To have a productive conversation, you should empathize with the person you're speaking to so you can connect with them and they can appreciate and take to heart what you're saying.
2. Stay Calm
My grandmother used to tell me that it's not what you say but how you say it as well.
A song comes to mind:
Tell It All Brother
Kenny Rogers and The First Edition
Tell it all brother, before we fall
Tell it all brothers and sisters
Tell it all
How much you're holding back on me
When you say you're giving all?
And in the dungeons of your mind
Who you got chained to the wall?
Tell it all brother, before we fall
Tell it all brothers and sisters
Tell it all
Did you plant your feet on higher ground
To avoid life's mud and stone?
Did you ever kick a good man
When he was down, just to make yourself feel strong?
Oh, tell it all brother, before we fall
Tell it all brothers and sisters
Tell it all
Tomorrow just might be too late
Now is the time
To get your jumbled mind straight
And seek a new design
Did you ever walk for a crippled man?
Pretending you were lame?
And what made you think one feeble hand to God
Was gonna make Him call your name?
Tell it all brother, before we fall
Tell it all brothers and sisters
Tell it all
